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Question
Posted by: Nox | 2012/02/22

Is he for real???

I''ve recently met this guy,we met in a dating site about a week ago and we immediately hit it off!!! a day before yesterday he gave me an ultimatum, that he is ready for a commitment and if I do not know I want, i can walk out...we''ve gone through similar experiences in life and I also want to be in a steady relationship,but the way he does things just scares me bcoz yesterday I went out with my friends and I told him that I was gonna go to his place when am done but then he called me telling me that I should''nt bother coming and when I called him this morning he lashed out on me telling me that " no-one does that to him,I cannot just go out with friends out of the blue in the middle of the week"  I like him alot but I am scared that he is going to control my life and that I cannot not take...please assist!!!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

All you can know is that you encountered SOMEONE on a dating site, who SEEMED nice. In the nature of the internet, you don't know if this is a girl of 14 or a 48 year old male trucker. It's absolute nonsense for anyone to give you any sort of ultimatum online after a week, especially if it's insisting on a committment before you've even got to know each other. It's not clear from your message, but apparently the two of you have met, and he is vehaving oddly already.
What on earth do you like about him ? His fierce need to control you, his unbalanced possessiveness and jealousy ? Are you really so desperate that you can't wait to meet someone more balanced who is actually prepared to respect you as an adult with your own rights ?

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7
Our users say:
Posted by: almost mad | 2012/02/24

Nothing about this sounds right. I think you should cut all contact with him before it goes any further. He sounds dangerous and unstable.

Reply to almost mad
Posted by: Honest | 2012/02/22

Nox, u met him a week ago.......
l think you should concentrate on studying 4 yr matric and forget about this guy

Reply to Honest
Posted by: Sharon | 2012/02/22

Pixie, I know exactly what you mean. Nox you have to be extremely careful. However one positive aspect, there are some awesome people out there, you just need to find them. Good luck Nox, just be careful

Reply to Sharon
Posted by: Pixie | 2012/02/22

To make the answer short: no he is not for real... the person you have in your head is clearly not realistic, because a sensible young woman wouldn''t hold on to a jerk like him. He does not seem emotionally stable.

I have done the online dating thing since 2006, I''ve had relationships with guys I''ve met there. It''s a scary world. I met some freaks and then I met some wonderful people. The trick is to know the rules when playing that game. It''s different than meeting someone at a bar or in another public place. It''s a different scene. There is new forms of safety measures to take etc.

It can happen... happiness can happen online. I know, because I am convinced that I met the man of my dreams, we are extremely happy together.

Anyone can make a mistake too, so don''t beat yourself up in case you think you might have bad judgment when it comes to men...you just need to learn how to play the online dating game better. THAT guy, is bad news. You are in control of your own life and you can take control in this case and leave him. You can do it.

Never be in a relationship just for the sake of being in one. I ''ve been there and done that... it always ends with a lot of tears and regret.

I really feel for you. I understand more than you know.

Reply to Pixie
Posted by: Missy | 2012/02/22

RUN!!!!!!!!!

Reply to Missy
Posted by: Alexa | 2012/02/22

Unless you actually made plans with him for that evening and then blew him off to go out with friends he has no right to act that way towards you. He comes off as being very insecure, which is not a quality you would want in a partner.

I would discuss his behavior with him as calmly as possible, ask him why it upset him so much and see if you can understand his point of view and whether it seemed like a reasonable reaction from his side.

You should also discuss both of your expectations in regards to a serious commitment. If you both want to be in a more steady relationship but you have different ideas as to what that actually means ( as in him not wanting you to go out with friends during the week), you are both going to end up dissapointed.

Reply to Alexa
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/02/22

All you can know is that you encountered SOMEONE on a dating site, who SEEMED nice. In the nature of the internet, you don't know if this is a girl of 14 or a 48 year old male trucker. It's absolute nonsense for anyone to give you any sort of ultimatum online after a week, especially if it's insisting on a committment before you've even got to know each other. It's not clear from your message, but apparently the two of you have met, and he is vehaving oddly already.
What on earth do you like about him ? His fierce need to control you, his unbalanced possessiveness and jealousy ? Are you really so desperate that you can't wait to meet someone more balanced who is actually prepared to respect you as an adult with your own rights ?

Reply to cybershrink

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