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Question
Posted by: janet29 | 2010/05/30

is he bi? can it work?

My boyfriend and I where having a conversation the other day in which he revealed that he has had sexual encounters with a man ( or men? I''m not sure how many times) in the past. What he means by sexual encounter I''m also not sure. I was too shocked to ask, being too afraid for what I might hear.

He said he did struggle with his sexual identity for a while in past, but that he now knows that he''s not bi, but also not completely straight.

Our sex life is great, no question about the fact that he does like women too. He definitely doesn''t look or act gay and likes typical male activities with his buddies. But I have noticed that he will sometimes make comments like " Damn, that guy is hot"  referring to some or other stranger passing by when we go out.

I''m pretty conservative and definitely very very straight and have no attraction to the same sex, therefore this whole thing is very difficult for me to understand and freaking me out quite a bit. I''m very much in love with this guy and want a long term future with him, but I''m very worried by what he has told me. Should I be? Or is this sort of thing more common amongst men than I might think?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

most men have their first sexual encounter with other men: in most cases, at sleep-overs boys will experiment with eachother. this is just a mere pointer that sexual orientation is not cast in stone.

your husband loves you, thus you should not be concerned.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Worsie | 2010/06/09

Also Bi, married for 20 years now. Yes it has a big effect on my marriage. Feel very quilty to my wife. Had sex, but most of the time thinkin gabout men............
Be friends with him, but dont get married

Reply to Worsie
Posted by: Niel | 2010/06/03

just think on how much trust he had to have in your relationship to tell you that. I was married for 7 years and i told my wife about my eye for certen men. We are still married now 14 years and she actuly finds it to be a turn on. I supose if men can get turned on about two women being together so can a women. If a man can have a fanticy of two women in bed with him. it works the same the other way around.

Reply to Niel
Posted by: a guy | 2010/06/01

janet, ime sorry to tell you your man is bi,this doent mean that it is a bad thing ,surly you have to cosider the bloke your with wants to be with you,Just becouse he is bi doent mean that he cheats on you ,if i was you ask him ,would he cheat on you with a man,being that open about his sexuality he probebly would give you a strait anser, I thake it of myself i am defenetly BI theare is just a atraction to men i cant exsplain ,but ime more atracted to my wife of 13 years and i would never cheat on her,this fact doesent make me les BI it just makes me not a slut...

Reply to a guy
Posted by: Maryanne | 2010/05/31

Sorry Janet29 , Your man is Gay....

Reply to Maryanne
Posted by: young money | 2010/05/31

It is definately gay. The fact that it has the guts to tell you about the encounters says it all. Doesnt it even care about hurting your feelings saying other men are hot?

Reply to young money
Posted by: SW | 2010/05/31

Sjoe... But you people are judgmental! Your lifes clearly are only black or white...

Janet - As for your boyfriend... He may be bi... My question is what difference does it make? He is with you, is he not? Bi-sexuality is a very complex issue and you are more than welcome to read up, Health24 has a great article and I hope that the expert will be able to provide you with the link.

Reply to SW
Posted by: XXX | 2010/05/31

He clearly has a leaning towards being gay.No " normal"  male is attracted to another male,unless he is of course gay.
I would be very nervous about this admission.
I was once told that if a woman or man experiences sex with a partner of the same sex,they do not normally change back to being hetrosexual.
You might both need to see a sexologist and/or a psychologist.
Personally,I would not want my partner to have had sex with another female,let alone another male.
Good luck

Reply to XXX
Posted by: Dr DoLittle | 2010/05/31

Hi Janet, i''m a man and i never think of men or even once thought wow that guy is sexy, for sure if your straight then you will only look at women, i am worried that he might in the future ask for a threesome but only with men as the 3rd person then he can also have intercourse with the guy, it is possible that in future he might get tired to be with you and then preferred to enjoy men again, sorry that we tell you straight but maybe the best is to let him go, unless you can make peace with how he behave and feel about men. Hope you make a decision that will make you happy.

Reply to Dr DoLittle
Posted by: Bo | 2010/05/31

Janet there''s no smoke without fire, so leave him now.
The GUY is GAY for sure.

Reply to Bo
Posted by: Pat | 2010/05/31

Run for your life Janet, he is definately gay no doubt. One day he will leave you for another man &  that is something you dont need in your life.

Reply to Pat
Posted by: sexologist | 2010/05/31

most men have their first sexual encounter with other men: in most cases, at sleep-overs boys will experiment with eachother. this is just a mere pointer that sexual orientation is not cast in stone.

your husband loves you, thus you should not be concerned.

Reply to sexologist

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