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Question
Posted by: Renewed | 2010-03-16

Is he a control Freak

Hi CS and every one,

I am engaged to be married to someone, I love him and I believe he loves me, the problem is, if i don''t make time to visit him, he doesnt visit me, he lives 85ks from where I stay. He is currently unemployed but does have some business on the side. I am employed even though my wages were cut in half earlier this year.

My problem is that, I have been doing the travelling all the time untill I felt, it''s not fair we should take turns. I have raised it a few times and we spoke about it untill one day I just decided, I won''t visit as often. So one Weekend, he rocked up at my place unplanned and I had already made an appointment with a friend of mine who lives in another area for us to talk about business. He came 30minutes before my appointment, and unfortunately, I couldn''t cancel, the person I was meeting also travelled far and was already at the meeting place so I had to make that appointment. I didn''t want my boyfriend to come, because this appointment was a girl to girl meeting.

So I told him that I was greatful that he came, but I had this appointment and I had to meet my friend. He said fine and left.

I knew by the way he left that he was upset. I called him later to talk and he complained that I had chased him out of my place like some trash. I tried to reason with him but he just got more upset. Since the time we spoke, we haven''t seen or called each other in weeks.

I haven''t called him because I don''t think it''s right that he can just decide to rock up at my place unplanned and expect me to drop every thing for him.

is this fair or am I being unfair...

Sorry for the long story.
Advice Pls

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Couldn't he have just waited for you to come back from the other meeting ? People who turn up unpredictably and without checking with you beforehand as to whether it's convenient, must accept whatever they find

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Our users say:
Posted by: Renewed | 2010-03-17

Thanks Qwerty.... I feel exactly the same!

Reply to Renewed
Posted by: Renewed | 2010-03-17

Thanks Qwerty.... I feel exactly the same!

Reply to Renewed
Posted by: qwerty | 2010-03-17

When my husband and I were still dating, we lived about 50km apart. We both did a fare share of driving to see each other, but he made an effort to try and spare me as much driving as possible, especially alone at night. His first priority was always my safety and welfare, and his way of " protecting"  me was to do more of the driving.

Quite frankly your fiance''s attitude stinks. The fact that he lets you do all the travelling is pretty selfish on his part. And it begs the question if he is selfish in other regards too..? If he''s still just out for number one, then one wonders if he is ready for something like marriage, where your partner should be your focus.

He can''t expect you to put your life on hold for him, just in case he decides to grace you with his presence. I don''t know how you handled the situation, and why he feels he was being chased off like " some trash" , but chances are he overreacted because he felt like he had made some grand gesture that was turned down.

You should try and have a calm discussion with him about this. Explain where you are coming from, and what you expect from him, and allow him to do the same. If he''s not willing to meet you half-way, I would seriously rethink the engagement.

Reply to qwerty
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010-03-17

Couldn't he have just waited for you to come back from the other meeting ? People who turn up unpredictably and without checking with you beforehand as to whether it's convenient, must accept whatever they find

Reply to cybershrink

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