Posted by: Milly | 2009-04-22

Irritability &  People Pleasing behaviour

I am bipolar and become very irritable. I feel like hitting things and throwing things. By the end of the day I run out of the office frustrated. Luckily I have good friends that let me blow off steam. I think what is causing the irritation is the fact that my colleage, who is my senior dumps all the work on me. Some work is just beneath her. I have to do all the work that is " hard labour"  like packing boxes for shipping, making photocopies (1000' s) and keeping the admin up to date. Plus I am responsible for 70% of the clients and she 30%. She only does what she likes and what is not beneath her. She gets away with it because she says she has other clients too- I also have. We all have to tie up loose ends on contracts that ended. I just feel, if she wants to take clients, she should do ALL the work for the clients. I work from 7-18h00 and she works from 10-3. She says she works from home. I was hospitalised for a serious condition for 5 days and they almost lost it at the office. She made me feel so guilty for being sick. I did not even switch off my phone, and when discharged I worked from home. They made such an issue about the sick leave. Then I felt like saying, but don' t you realise that your complaining about my workload?
I know I' m the junior, and if I want a good reference in the future I should do my best. But it is driving me mad. If I did not end up in Hospital I would have propably landed up in a Psychiatric Institution.
How much do you take from your senior? I have the secretary instructions to refer her clients requests to her and not to me. I also refer their questions to her. We are busy with a big project at the moment.
My psychologist says that I' m a people pleaser and that they are manipulating me. I know it' s true. But I' m scared of the reaction if I become assertive. They (the senior and our manager) victimised my in the past. We are a very small office and do not have an HR.
I feel the pressure is causing the irritability. my psychiatrist does not want to increase my meds any more.
I am looking for another job, but it will take time.
How do I say " no"  in a nice way?

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Our expert says:
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As for the iritability, and there seems to be good reasons for geting irritated, maybe some gym time and boxing lessons might help ? And isn't your colleagues boss concerned about how very little work she does ? Is the allocation of work between you acually entirely up to her, and is this how her boss wants things to be ? Isn't Why does nobody else notice how few hours she actually spends at work ? Has she ever dared to go away on sick leave, and allow people to discover that she is not missed ?
How can ANYONE be "her client" unles she does all the work for them and directly handles all their calls and needs ? Maybe you need the advice of a good labour lawyer ( isn't there some such new expert within H24 now ? ) and maybe Dept of Labour.
And let's see what other readers can contribute positively

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Our users say:
Posted by: Anonymous | 2014-01-06

what if you don't care what other people is doing around you, but they still irritate you when talking to you. you feel like running away to a place where there is no people.

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