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Question
Posted by: ME | 2011/07/05

irresponsible fiance

Hi,please help, I have a fiance who i feel is childish and irresponsible ,always he has no money(HE HAS A JOB) I don remember how many times i borrowed him money it does not come back recently he was desparate (his car broken)I boorrwed him my moms money now he is playing games and reluctant to bring it back I am so angry at myself that I let this happen for so long I even helped him with Lobola am confused am not sure if this is the future I want,he says he has financial problems and he will bounce back but the looks of things he is a spoiled brat..please help how do I solve this?I love him but I just cannot take this anymore!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

If you feel he is childish and iresponsible, he probably is. If he has a job, where does all his money go if he is customarily penniless ? If he doesn't repay your loans, stop lending him your money. Are drugs, alcohol, or other women involved ( the commonest expenses of someone whose salary mysteriously disappears )? What's the point of helping him to pay lobola ( presumably for marrying you ? ) ? Why hasn't he already explained his "financial problems" to you, rathwer than just expecting you to pay for them ?
Most of us don't find spopiled brat's lovable at all. See his weaknesses and the unpleasant side of his predatory relationship, using you, and try to match your emotions more appropriately to the situation. You know what to do, it's clear in your message. Leave him behind in your dust and move on. You deserve someone far, far better than him.

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3
Our users say:
Posted by: Caro | 2011/07/05

This is a recipe for disaster best sorted out with counseling for him and you (of the financial and psychological kind) BEFORE you get married. Please do not set a date and marry him before he has gone for counseling and corrected his ways and paid you and your mom back.

Reply to Caro
Posted by: Maria | 2011/07/05

If you marry this guy you are going to be supporting him financially for ever as clearly he cannot work with money. Is that the life you want? My advise is to walk away. You deserve someone who is on the same level of maturity and responsibility that you are.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/07/05

If you feel he is childish and iresponsible, he probably is. If he has a job, where does all his money go if he is customarily penniless ? If he doesn't repay your loans, stop lending him your money. Are drugs, alcohol, or other women involved ( the commonest expenses of someone whose salary mysteriously disappears )? What's the point of helping him to pay lobola ( presumably for marrying you ? ) ? Why hasn't he already explained his "financial problems" to you, rathwer than just expecting you to pay for them ?
Most of us don't find spopiled brat's lovable at all. See his weaknesses and the unpleasant side of his predatory relationship, using you, and try to match your emotions more appropriately to the situation. You know what to do, it's clear in your message. Leave him behind in your dust and move on. You deserve someone far, far better than him.

Reply to cybershrink

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