Posted by: Sally P | 2009-07-07

Irrational Husband

Please assist , my husband is one of the most irrational men iknow , he takes whatever he thinks on any situation and makes it the truth , and once he has decided what is the truth he labels people as liars. I am so tired of his behaviour. On many occasions people have mentioned thing that he has done or said stuff that he did not tell me himself , when I ask him abouit it he accuses these friends of lying and trying to break up our marriage and then says he does not want them in our home again. Recently we have had a similiar incident , with a similiar reaction, except this time I said I am not going to stop seeing and talking to my friend just becos she has made an innocent statement which she had no idea had a deeper bearing on our lives. Now he says he has had enough , does not love me , he hates me and I need to get a divorce attorney (I am thinking this is not such a bad idea) Can anyone explain such behaviour. He screams and shouts and as soon as I raise my voice he screams even louder saing " Stop Screaming at Me !"  This is 20% of his behavior the rest of the time he is a well behaved control freak.

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Our expert says:
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Most people find themselves utterly convincing, however warped they may actually be ! He sounds childishly unable to tolerate disagreement, which must be a very insecure position for him to place himself in. What you describe is a part of the broader "control freak" pattern, of feeling actually frighteningly insecure and over-defending oneself by trying to control everything obsessively, both what doesn't need to be controlled, and what can't be controlled.
He could be helped in therapy, but would probably reject that idea as including an admission that he might be less than ideal. Similarly, marriage counselling could help, but only if he accepted that the situation, including his behaviours, needed to be better understood and modified.

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