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Question
Posted by: Zara | 2010/09/28

Involved with a married man! Need advice &  help!

Hi Doc

I am not proud about all I am to say but I need your help as
I can''t live this way anymore.

I''ve been involved with a married man for the last 2 and a half
yrs! He is the husband of a friend of mine and he''s 8 yrs my
senior. I am 26. We don''t see each other very often due to the
fact that he has a family. I was not brought up to behave in
this manner and do not know why I ever agreed to seeing him!
Yes I have a physical attraction to him even though he isn''t
the most good looking man. The sex has always been great too.

But, I have messed up my entire life - over him!!! In the
beginning-he''d call and sms all the time,then the smsing
stopped as he almost got caught. We still talked often and saw
each other when he could make it. We have unprotected sex.
We''ve had many " breakups"  in the time we''ve been seeing
each other but he always came back. He always made it clear
that our " relationship"  was just about sex, but yet claimed to
care about me!

Doc,I messed up my life over him! I stopped gyming, my
Health,education and career were put on hold! To the point
that - I was supposed to be doing my masters degree this
year-i have not opened a textbook since I registered because
my every thought is about him, where is he, why isn''t he callin?!
The sad part - he has been seeing other woman as well the
Entire time he''s been with me, but he denies this! I heard
from people that know him!

I know that I''m selfish in hurting my friend! But I''m even more
selfish for ruining my life over an idiot like him!
Where do I start to rebuild myself and my life? How do I get
over him and all I''ve done?! Help me......please!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Checking back in the archives of this forum, have you noticed how common is it for people, especially women, who allow themselves to become involved in an affair with a married person, soon get to bitterly regret doing so ?
OK what you have been doing has been extremely foolish, over an extended time. But you have not "messed up your entire life", and need not do so.
You know this liaison has been and is a Very Bad Idea, as is the unprotected sex ( what if you become pregnant ? Or if you catch an STD as he has been having other liaisons ? )
You know you need to stop this immediately and permanently. and you are able to do so.Use the assistance of a counsellor to help you do this and keep to this resolve.
Work with the counsellor / therapist to learn the lessons that must be learned, and to get your life back on track. And leave him to continue to be the actually unpleasant character he appears to be

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

5
Our users say:
Posted by: Beth | 2010/10/02

Stop wasting our time when u know the answer to that stupi qs.U shud stop it the same way u strated it and i hope ur friend knows about it and beat te hell out of u...and unprotected sex this day and age ...AIDS MY SISTER TEST UR SELFISH SELF...

Reply to Beth
Posted by: Zee | 2010/09/30

It is because of women like you that so many marraiges break up. You should be ashamed of yourself

Reply to Zee
Posted by: Happiness | 2010/09/28

Blaming external factors for our misfortune is cowardice period. Its notabout him being married, womanising etc. Its about how you see yourself and it does not look good. You have extremely low self esteem and I''m no doctor.

Reply to Happiness
Posted by: Kate | 2010/09/28

I think only you can decide when this ends.
Why would you want to do this to yourself?
I hope you get yourself tested.

Reply to Kate
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/09/28

Checking back in the archives of this forum, have you noticed how common is it for people, especially women, who allow themselves to become involved in an affair with a married person, soon get to bitterly regret doing so ?
OK what you have been doing has been extremely foolish, over an extended time. But you have not "messed up your entire life", and need not do so.
You know this liaison has been and is a Very Bad Idea, as is the unprotected sex ( what if you become pregnant ? Or if you catch an STD as he has been having other liaisons ? )
You know you need to stop this immediately and permanently. and you are able to do so.Use the assistance of a counsellor to help you do this and keep to this resolve.
Work with the counsellor / therapist to learn the lessons that must be learned, and to get your life back on track. And leave him to continue to be the actually unpleasant character he appears to be

Reply to cybershrink

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