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Question
Posted by: Nikki | 2012/06/18

Invitation - accept or decline?

I have a friend who lives in New Zealand - he and his girlfriend have been nagging me to come and visit them, they have even offered to pay my plane ticket. I am married and have a 13 year old son. I am so keen to accept the invitation, but would feel awful not at least taking my son with me (I could not afford a ticket for him). Would it be selfish of me to accept this " once in a lifetime"  offer or should I accept it and go to NZ for two weeks? I have made huge sacrifices during my marriage for eg. staying at home alone for weeks on end while my husband goes on holiday with his family or hunting with his father and brothers - never complaining about it, just accepting it as my fate, driving an old car while he buys a brand new " bakkie"  etc.! I so want to go on this trip, but don''t want to end up feeling guilty because I cannot afford to take my son along. Can I put myself first for a change?? Please no nasty comments. Thanks

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Sounds as though your husband has been neglectful and selfish towards you and perhaps also your son. Presumably he could pull himself together and look after your son while you made the visit to NZ ? Your husband shares responsibility for not being able to aford to take the boy along with you, but guilt is not appropriate or deserved if you take this rare opportunity to enjoy yourself for a short time.
Bon voyage, and enjoy the trip !

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Our users say:
Posted by: Peas | 2012/06/21

Go and have some ''me time''. You are allowed to be selfish sometimes. I am jealous of you.....

Reply to Peas
Posted by: Maria | 2012/06/19

In that case I don''t see any valid objections your husband could have - enjoy!

Reply to Maria
Posted by: Liza | 2012/06/19

I agree with Maria and Romany. Accept the offer - it really sounds like you deserve this holiday. It won''t kill your husband to take care of your son for 2 weeks - instead it might make him appreciate you more!

Good Luck
Liza

Reply to Liza
Posted by: Nikki | 2012/06/19

@ Maria, no I have not had nor do I intend having a romantic relationship with this friend - that is all he is to me, a friend, nothing more. We attended the same high school some 30-odd years ago, there was no interest other than friendship back then, and it''s no different now! @ Romany, thanks I think I will do just that - go and have a good time!

Reply to Nikki
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/06/19

Sounds as though your husband has been neglectful and selfish towards you and perhaps also your son. Presumably he could pull himself together and look after your son while you made the visit to NZ ? Your husband shares responsibility for not being able to aford to take the boy along with you, but guilt is not appropriate or deserved if you take this rare opportunity to enjoy yourself for a short time.
Bon voyage, and enjoy the trip !

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: Romany | 2012/06/18

Just go!!!! It is your turn now.

Reply to Romany
Posted by: Maria | 2012/06/18

Uhm, have you ever had a romantic relationship with this friend?

Reply to Maria
Posted by: Maria | 2012/06/18

I would say go for it, at 13 your son is old enough that he and your husband can fend for themselves for 2 weeks. It certainly sounds as if your husband has been quite selfish in this regard in the past, I think it''s only fair that you also get a turn to go and enjoy yourself.

Reply to Maria

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