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Question
Posted by: Anon | 2012/01/12

Intrusive Ex

I broke up with my ex just over a year ago. We have two children together, aged 5 and 3. Not long after the split, I met a wonderful guy and we fell in love. We have been together since. We have a very close, attentive relationship, and on the whole the relationship works really well.

The problem is my ex. He did not readily accept the breakup and battled to disentangle himself from the relationship. He was very needy when we were together, and even after we broke up he still continued to phone and sms me numerous times a day.

Now a year down the line, he is a lot better and the contact I have with him is down to stuff relating purely to the kids, but it is still daily contact.

My new boyfriend has a huge problem with the amount of contact I still have with my ex, even though it is purely " kid"  related. He thinks it is inappropriate for us to be in daily contact and he gets very frustrated over it. It is the number one cause of conflict in our relationship.

How do I deal with this?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Doesn't it sound as though your ex really needs therapy / counselling to deal with his neediness and related problems ? Daily contact a year later is not really a relationship that has ended - there can't be such common issues truly involving the kids and needing contact. And while he clings, he won't be able to form any other sustaining relationship.
Where he makes inappropriate contacts, not dealign with genuine and urgent matters relating to the kids, just ignore the contacts, telling him that you will need to do so, to be able to concentrate on your own life.

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/01/14

Doesn't it sound as though your ex really needs therapy / counselling to deal with his neediness and related problems ? Daily contact a year later is not really a relationship that has ended - there can't be such common issues truly involving the kids and needing contact. And while he clings, he won't be able to form any other sustaining relationship.
Where he makes inappropriate contacts, not dealign with genuine and urgent matters relating to the kids, just ignore the contacts, telling him that you will need to do so, to be able to concentrate on your own life.

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: truth | 2012/01/12

Every day is excessive, yr x can initiate contact but you do not have to respond by answering the phone or replying to smses or emails. You are half the problem here.

Reply to truth
Posted by: mikky | 2012/01/12

Im in a relationship with a man who has two kids. There is no need for EVERY day contact with the ex. Usually he phones them every 2nd day or so and she (the ex-wife) puts the phone straight onto the kids. The exes only talk every 2nd Friday when they need to make arrangements about fetching for visitation and on Sunday for collecting and usually its by sms.

All other issues, school etc are dealt with when needed and mostly during the day when Im not around anyway. Every day is excessive. His relationship should be with the kids not you.

Reply to mikky

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