advertisement
Question
Posted by: Flowerchild | 2010/03/18

Intense feelings

Hi CS,

I am one of those emotional people and have very intense feelings. I watch the news and when I hear of some natural disaster, or hear of people killed, raped or suffering any trauma, I have these intense feelings. It is as if i have been affected too. I feel sad as if the people were close to me. Over the weekend I witnessed a driver run over a dog and I felt so sad. We gave our puppy away a few months ago, but I still worry immensely about the puppy and wonder if it is being cared for properly and fed the right foods, etc.

Most people I know wouldn''t even blink an eyelid if they hear of traumatic events that have caused human suffering.

Furthermore, I tend to feel guilty about the slightest things. I can''t imagine lying about things, because I will end up feeling really lousy for being dishonest. I find it difficult to say no to people when they need help because I feel guilty, especially when it is family. I sacrifice myself to accommodate family. Last year I had planned and booked a weekend getaway for my hubby, kids and I. My family called and decided that they want to do something with us as well and join in. I was so looking forward to that immediate family quality time, but then felt guilty when my mum said that she thought I would want them to join as well. So I cancelled our bookings and made alternate bookings to accommodate parents and siblings.

I work with orphanages and when I visit one of them, I have to spend time with the kids and I leave feeling so heartbroken that these kids are there and wish so much I could take care of at least one of them. My colleagues don''t even care to see the kids or spend time with them if they go. And whilst I try to save funds to buy goodies for the kids, my colleagues say they can spend their money on themselves.

What is wrong with me CS? When most people don''t care about things, I feel so intensely about them. Am I just plain crazy or merely a caring person? I am a rather passionate person, but I think this is rather abnormal because I don''t know anyone around me that shares my intensity to feel for others in need.

Not what you were looking for? Try searching again, or ask your own question
Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Ah, one of THOSE ! You're describing a more extreme than usual version of a problem some of us do suffer from - being over-sympathetic in a manner that is unhelpful to you AND unhelpful to the people you are feeling bad for. The important thing isn't that these are milder fellow-feelings that encourage you to be nice to others and help when you can - these simply make you feel uselessly bad.
And apparently you sacrifice yourself to help those who don't need or deserve such help. Apparently your family have learned how to play your guilt to manipulate you.
SO its a matter of proportion, of not adding your own emotional suffering uselessly to that of others.
I would really advise you to see a CBT oriented shrink for counselling to help you bring this impulse under more useful control, to reduce your own unnecessary distress, while making it easy for you to assist others

Of course, far more social harm is caused by people of the opposite inclination - those who feel absolutely nothing about the suffering of others, even when they themselves have deliberately caused it. And the indifference and selfishness of the average folks who see nothing in life as important as their own shallow enjoyment is unfortunate, too

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

1
Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/03/18

Ah, one of THOSE ! You're describing a more extreme than usual version of a problem some of us do suffer from - being over-sympathetic in a manner that is unhelpful to you AND unhelpful to the people you are feeling bad for. The important thing isn't that these are milder fellow-feelings that encourage you to be nice to others and help when you can - these simply make you feel uselessly bad.
And apparently you sacrifice yourself to help those who don't need or deserve such help. Apparently your family have learned how to play your guilt to manipulate you.
SO its a matter of proportion, of not adding your own emotional suffering uselessly to that of others.
I would really advise you to see a CBT oriented shrink for counselling to help you bring this impulse under more useful control, to reduce your own unnecessary distress, while making it easy for you to assist others

Of course, far more social harm is caused by people of the opposite inclination - those who feel absolutely nothing about the suffering of others, even when they themselves have deliberately caused it. And the indifference and selfishness of the average folks who see nothing in life as important as their own shallow enjoyment is unfortunate, too

Reply to cybershrink

Have your say

Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
advertisement