Posted by: Sunflower | 2009-05-28


I spent whole of last night (as of 1am) awake, smoking, crying and then I eventually decided to put pen to paper and write my husband a letter explaining exactly how I feel, we both have kids from previous marriages, his come over every second w-end, my eldest lives with the ex and then we have one together and obviously my baby girl from my previous marriage. He treats her as if she is his personal slave around the house, whenever he wants something, he calls on her, I have told him it upsets me but he still does it, he does'  nt help around the house, plays games on the PC, works on a piece of scrap car he bought (as a hobby) or he watches sport on TV, this happens when his kids are also over, I'  ve had enough because his kids comes over to spend quality time with their father, instead, he is busy doing things he likes instead of taking them out and doing things with them, I don'  t mind them being there, but they become bored and start to irritate me because they are not getting the attention they deserve from their father, I eventually fell asleep I don'  t know what time this morning, I know he read the letter but still did not say anything to me, I threatened to move out because I feel what he is doing is selfish, please correct me if I'  m wrong, we both have full time jobs and get home the same time at night, all I want is a bit of help around the house and our sexlife is also now non-existant because he has now lost a few kilos and feels confident and now I'  m just another person in the house as well as in bed, I make advances and ask him to take a bathe with me nowand then, but, he'  s always tired… 

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Well, tobacco would act as a simulant and wouldn't help you to sleep, and crying indicates you were really upset, and that doesn't help one sleep, either. OK, he sounds fairly immature and selfish ( you may love someone with a previous marriage, but there may be good and relevant reasons why their first marriage failed ). And yes, if his kids from a previous mariage visit, they are there to visit him, not to be ignored by him.
What you describe sounds like a powerful argument in favour of encouraging him to join you in marriage counselling, doesn't it ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: Sunflower | 2009-05-28

Thank you CS, I just wanted to confirm that I was' nt being the selfish one here because when I told him that I' m tired of living in a pig sty he told me to get a flat, the sudden change in his attitude leaves alot of questions unanswered, I also told him I' m sure he is going through mid-life crisis but he is only 32 years old, am I wrong?

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