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Question
Posted by: Kelly | 2012/09/18

Insecurities

Dear Doc

My boyfriend and I chat on Whatsapp most of the time,he''s got a verry demanding job so i sometimes understand when he does''nt chat to me during the day,but what worries me most is that even after work i will see that he''s on line but not chatting to me,i''ve tried talking to him about this but he said i must stop being negetive,when i see that he''s onlline he''s just checcking what been written to him by his siblings as he stays far from them also...so what i''ve done from yesterday i have''nt written anything to him,i guess i''m trying to stop being a nagging girlfriend and allowing him to think of me on his own without me reminding him that he''s got someone like me in his life because i feel like he only talks/chat with me if i chat/talk to him...Please help as i really don''t want to loose this guy over patty things.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Chatting on Whatsup ( or any other "social media" ) is NOT a relationship. If he has any significant job, he shouldnt be chating to anyone during work ; and if he is distant from his family, and uses Whatsup or other means to chat with family and sibs, that's excellent.
I'm really not confinced you're a "girlfriend" rather than a friend who's a girl, of a guy whose friendly ; and showing neediness is usually a certain way to drive away any sensible man.

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9
Our users say:
Posted by: Schillo | 2012/09/18

Kelly

You say he normally call towards the weekend when he wants to come over your place.
Seemingly he uses you as a weekend special as he knows he has a place to run away from others he sees during the week.

All I can say is open your eyes wide and keep a distance to see if he will be forth coming. You probably are too available so be busy over weekends and see how he reacts.

Reply to Schillo
Posted by: Tinkerbell | 2012/09/18

Sorry meant thoughtful! Oh dear, i also meant to say live in par2 and said love instead

Reply to Tinkerbell
Posted by: Tinkerbell | 2012/09/18

Kelly,

Men aren''t always the most thought or smart beings and can''t be relied on to do these things. They are different from us. He probably thinks he has spoken to you already, so it''s not biggie. And we, being the sensitive people we are, always think of them.

And as you say, you have been going out for a month now. Give it some time. Ask him to call you more often and you do the same. It is a more personal way to communicate and you get to hear each others'' voices. As you say, you love far from each other. You don''t say how far though. further than 70km away?

If he has a car and it is less than that, surely he can maybe try to come mid week to see you or take you out to dinner.

Don''t take it personally when he is chatting with others and doesn''t think to contact you first. Some men are just that way.

Maybe not contact him for a few days &  see if he worries about you and makes contact. If he doesn''t, maybe he doesn''t deserve you.

Reply to Tinkerbell
Posted by: Kelly | 2012/09/18

Well " Just Me"  maybe on that note you should open/start your own site since you seem to very good in picking up people''s age and able to distinguish what kind of love do people share...

Reply to Kelly
Posted by: Just Me | 2012/09/18

The words seriously clingy... and puppy Love come straight to my mind reading you post.
Seriously how old are you.
This seems to be written by a 16 year old

Reply to Just Me
Posted by: Kelly | 2012/09/18

Thanx guys

Tinkerbell,i will just direct this to you because it seems like Doc is not in a good mood today,seing his other comments on the other posts...

I have more than enough friends of my own to chat with &  i am not expecting him to chat to me only as I am also not chatting to him alone but atleast it would be nice that he thinks of me atleast on his own without me being the one who always starts the chat,

@Maria,we''ve been together for a month and we see eachother over the weekends as he stays a bit far from where i stay. We do talk on the phone sometimes but that nomarlly happens towards the end of the week when is about to come over where i stay.

Reply to Kelly
Posted by: Tinkerbell | 2012/09/18

kelly,

Maria makes a point. Is there anything more to your relationship that a chat on whatsap? Do you have an actual relationship, where you chat on the phone, go out together on dates, spend quality time together, etc.?

Whatsap is great for a quick chat with friends and family, but it is so impersonal. And because he is your boyfriend now, does this mean that he is not allowed to chat to other people on whatsap, only you? Is he not supposed to keep in touch with his friends?

You expect him to chat to you all the time/ When he is at work and even when he gets home? Don''t you have any friends? Don''t you have anyone to chat with other than your boyfriend? It may be a good idea to get some friends to and expand your social circle. In this way, you can chat to your boyfriend and when you take a break from each other, then chat to your friends, so you don''t obsess about why he is on line but not chatting to you.

Reply to Tinkerbell
Posted by: Maria | 2012/09/18

What more is there to your relationship than chatting on Whatsupp? How often do you see him and what sort of things do you do together? Are you sure he deserves the title of " boyfriend" ?

Reply to Maria
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/09/18

Chatting on Whatsup ( or any other "social media" ) is NOT a relationship. If he has any significant job, he shouldnt be chating to anyone during work ; and if he is distant from his family, and uses Whatsup or other means to chat with family and sibs, that's excellent.
I'm really not confinced you're a "girlfriend" rather than a friend who's a girl, of a guy whose friendly ; and showing neediness is usually a certain way to drive away any sensible man.

Reply to cybershrink

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