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Question
Posted by: ZXY | 2010/08/12

insecure about weight

Hi. Please give me some advice on what to do. My bf is terribly insecure about his weight. I''m very athletic and have been training for 20 years. He feels so embarresed to get undressed in front of me. He won''t bath with me, swim, shower, walk around naked. If we make love, he makes sure he is under the covers before me or keeps his shirt on. I have never said anything to him about it. I compliment him, tell him he is sexy, how he does it for me, but it doesn''t change his thinking or behaviour. What more can I say or do to make him feel special? Thanks.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

If he assumes both that he is physicaly unattractive AND that there's nothing he can do about it, he's unlikely to change. So work towards helping him change in both ways. Aim your compliments in ways that will be believable rather thn just sounding like empty comfort ; agree that he could become EVEN MORE atractive than he already is, if he wants to do so. If he feels you are so physically attractive, explore how he feels about that - does he feel he doesn't really deserve you, and that if you get a really good look at him you might change your mind ? Emphasize, rather, that while you might have chosen one of the muscly studs at the gym, you chose HIM, because you find him comprehansively attractive.
And if he feels he is too heavy - why doesn't he choose to do something about that ? He has you as a model - let him join you in your style of diet, and at the gym, to start an exercise progam that will gradually help him to improve his physique as he wants.

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/08/12

If he assumes both that he is physicaly unattractive AND that there's nothing he can do about it, he's unlikely to change. So work towards helping him change in both ways. Aim your compliments in ways that will be believable rather thn just sounding like empty comfort ; agree that he could become EVEN MORE atractive than he already is, if he wants to do so. If he feels you are so physically attractive, explore how he feels about that - does he feel he doesn't really deserve you, and that if you get a really good look at him you might change your mind ? Emphasize, rather, that while you might have chosen one of the muscly studs at the gym, you chose HIM, because you find him comprehansively attractive.
And if he feels he is too heavy - why doesn't he choose to do something about that ? He has you as a model - let him join you in your style of diet, and at the gym, to start an exercise progam that will gradually help him to improve his physique as he wants.

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