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Question
Posted by: WTF | 2012/08/03

Insecure

Hi Doc

please tell me why people who are insecure turn into the opposite when faced with difficulties - what i mean is, why would a person consider themselves ''perfect'' whn things get tough, but on the inside is a very weak and vulnerable person.

i know it is to protect themselves from feeling pain and getting hurt, that much is obvious, but what drives this need to be perfect, and also shut people out (those that are closest to them), with almost no feelings or emotions?

what is going on inside their heads and more importantly, what can one do about this, to ''break'' though this wall.

any advice is greatly appreciated

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Its usually very far from them considering themselves to be perfect, but, feeling insecure and very imperfect, that they insist on pretending that they are perfect, not wanting to even face the possibility that they are not, and not wanting to acknowledge any sort of weakness to anyone else.
Its not so much a need to be perfect, but a need not to feel imperfect. We can't assume that when they shut us out that they have no feelings, only that they are choosing to display no feelings.
They'll probably not want to hear whatever you're saying,especially if it in any way hints at being critical. Maybe, if one is sympathetic ( which is different from being approving ) and asks and listens more than tells, one could help them ; asking about the nature of the difficulties they're facing a the time, what options they think they have, whether any form of assistance would help.

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/08/03

Its usually very far from them considering themselves to be perfect, but, feeling insecure and very imperfect, that they insist on pretending that they are perfect, not wanting to even face the possibility that they are not, and not wanting to acknowledge any sort of weakness to anyone else.
Its not so much a need to be perfect, but a need not to feel imperfect. We can't assume that when they shut us out that they have no feelings, only that they are choosing to display no feelings.
They'll probably not want to hear whatever you're saying,especially if it in any way hints at being critical. Maybe, if one is sympathetic ( which is different from being approving ) and asks and listens more than tells, one could help them ; asking about the nature of the difficulties they're facing a the time, what options they think they have, whether any form of assistance would help.

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