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Question
Posted by: Jack | 2008/06/11

Insecure.

Can anyone help me overcome my insecurity.
I am in a wonderfull relationship with the woman of my dreams, we have been together for 2 years now. We are both very happy, my problem is that i am petrified of losing her, i am always putting myself down, like when i see her talking to another guy i always use to think it was jealousy but now im starting to think its insecurity, when i see her talking to another man i fear that she will find him "better" than me. i know that she will never cheat on me and i waould also never cheat on her, I am planning to propose to her soon, is there any way that i can deal with being insecure. I know she loves me, Maybe the reason i'm feeling this way is beacause of my previous relationship, the girl left me to go back to her ex, its so confusing i know she wount leave me like that, but i cant help feeling that way. I dont know what to do anymore. Please anyone help me!!

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Our expert says:
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See a relationship counsellor together. You do need to overcome this insecurity before moving closer to marriage

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Confused | 2008/06/13

Hi

I have the same problem as you. I am also insecure, ALOT!!! and it is at that stage that i am busy losing him, i am afraid that he is cheating on me. And I dont know where to post my question, it is the first time on here. I am afraid that he will do to me that what he did to his ex before me. When I had moved next to him we remet after 4 years. and when the ex used be at work he would come and call me and we would have a drink together at his house or coffee, then they broke up, i have had feelings for him for long, he was single for a week then we got together, and i was so HAPPY, nothing bothered me, but now i fight with him every day, and i am losing him, we have been engaged 3 months now. And he has actually told me that he wants to break the wedding off, he is starting to lose interest in me. PLEASE can someone advise me.

Reply to Confused
Posted by: sadi | 2008/06/11

Sort yourself out before you guys get married!! Just because you have a piece of paper that says you are married will not take the "fear" and insecurities away, sometimes they get worse and that will cause more problems.
Everything of the best and believe in yourself.

Reply to sadi
Posted by: Jack | 2008/06/11

Hey guys, WOW that really makes so much sense. I need to be open with her, i am just afraid that she will get angry or something. But you are all right it is something i have to do.

Thanks i will keep you posted.

Reply to Jack
Posted by: E.S. | 2008/06/11

Tell her the way you did here. At least you admit to being insecure. Most men would die before admitting that they are not completely in controll.
Please, don't propose before this matter is resolved.
It will be good for you to see a therapist so you can handle your past and leave it behind. If you can afford it.
My boyfriend and I went through a terrible time because of his insecurity and inferior feelings. With the help of a preacher we gave our hearts and our problems to the Lord, and since then there wasn't one single accusation or arguement.
You need to talk to your gf. If you want to spend the rest of your life with her, you have to open up the communication lines, and keep it open. It is REALY important. And remember to listen. Just listen.
And whenever you are tempted to think about the things that upset you, make an effort to think about something you love about your gf. Something you did together. Something that proved to you how much she cares about you.
Good luck! Keep us posted.

Reply to E.S.
Posted by: I | 2008/06/11

No! What Nokz said sounds downright scary! I'd fear for my safety if some overly jealous/insecure lover told me "we're meant to be together, come hell or high water".
Jack, u just need to relax, don't scare her away with accusations or anything (I'm sure CS will recommend CBT).
U need to feel secure in the relationship for yourself. Don't assume that she'll never ever leave u, otherwish u'll break down if she ever does for any reason.
Convince yourself that you're good enough and worthy, and that if she ever leaves for another guy it wouldn't be because there's something essentially wrong with u. Don't let your trust depend on what she does or doesn't do.
I admire your courage to admit that you have a problem, I've been involved with an obsessive person now for years who'd never once admit that he could have a problem.
I'm actually happy for the both of u that u acknowledge the problem.

Reply to I
Posted by: Jack | 2008/06/11

Hi Noks and Kb,

Thank you both for your replies, especially you Noks, I need to get over my fear and just accept that she is with me and that she loves me.
thanks again guys.

Reply to Jack
Posted by: Nokz | 2008/06/11

I don't know what to say, you have to overcome your fear. You will loose her if you let your insecurities get in the way. You have to tell yourself that you were ment to me together, comes hell or high water

Reply to Nokz
Posted by: Kb | 2008/06/11

Councelling may help you with your insecurities. Maybe you should consider it.

Reply to Kb

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