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Question
Posted by: Nicole | 2011/09/09

inlaws? confused?

my husbands parents put their house up for sale 3 yrs ago in New York to move to Utah to be closer to grandchildren...It took them 3 long years to sell the home....Their only grandkids are now 3 and 2yrs old...They moved in with us and have been looking for a new home here in Utah...for about 2 months..they put offer in on home put down money and all...then deceided that Utah did not fit there needs...fishing,weather...etc...and packed up their stuff in two days and moved to stay with there other son who has no kids in Montana.....makes no sense...took us by complete suprise...what is going on here??

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Only they might be able to tell you what's going on, and maybe they don't even understand it themselves. In the current economy, it might be a tough time for selling property, but a good time for buying. Sounds like they don't really know what they want. Maybe they should have a few joint sessions with a counsellor to work out what they do want, and, as their choices obviously affect you significantly, they should share the decision with you.
Sometimes people have a sort of policy which sounds good, and expresses what they think they should want, only to find when they try it, that it's not at all the way they thought it would be. Maybe they found that grandkids were more exhausting than they expected, especially in more prolonged episodes than on short visits.
Maybe the bass fishing is less demanding !
But they owe you at least a discussion, especially if you can pitch this at a low-key level ( think bass fishing !) rather than in any way they might see as emotionally tiring or acusing

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/09/10

Only they might be able to tell you what's going on, and maybe they don't even understand it themselves. In the current economy, it might be a tough time for selling property, but a good time for buying. Sounds like they don't really know what they want. Maybe they should have a few joint sessions with a counsellor to work out what they do want, and, as their choices obviously affect you significantly, they should share the decision with you.
Sometimes people have a sort of policy which sounds good, and expresses what they think they should want, only to find when they try it, that it's not at all the way they thought it would be. Maybe they found that grandkids were more exhausting than they expected, especially in more prolonged episodes than on short visits.
Maybe the bass fishing is less demanding !
But they owe you at least a discussion, especially if you can pitch this at a low-key level ( think bass fishing !) rather than in any way they might see as emotionally tiring or acusing

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: Obvious | 2011/09/09

They packed up their stuff in 2 days, obviously something or someone upset them. Why not ask them if its really about the fish?

Reply to Obvious
Posted by: Opinion | 2011/09/09

If you had NO expectations you cannot be disapointed, can you?
If you are just confused only they can end the confusion by giving reasons which they have done.They prefer fish to kids, many people love their cats/dogs more than people!
How exactly can we or CS assist?

Reply to Opinion
Posted by: nicole | 2011/09/09

i have had no expections...other than that they told us they wanted to be around for the grandkids and us (we have no family or close friends here...transfered here for work about 2 yrs ago....) They told us bass fishing was more important to their lifestyle...just odd...cause for 3 yrs it has been we want to be there for the kids...so bad...we are gonna do this....we are gonna do that.....and now they are heading to a state they have never been to before....to live with their other soon...whom by the way just got married a month ago....

Reply to nicole
Posted by: Its a small world | 2011/09/09

CS knwledge and advice goes trans continental - there are no bondries in the global village!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Reply to Its a small world
Posted by: Opinion | 2011/09/09

You sound like you had VERY high expectations. Perhaps they felt pressurised to the extent they had to flee.

Reply to Opinion
Posted by: Nicole | 2011/09/09

It is 100% their decision...I am just disappointed that they wont be involved with their grandkids like they said they wanted to be...
I was very invovled with my grandmother...to the point where i could say she was my best friend...
everyone on my side of the family is deceased....so i really was looking forward to the in laws be around for my kiddos....

Reply to Nicole
Posted by: Obvious | 2011/09/09

Why not just as them??????

Reply to Obvious
Posted by: Anon | 2011/09/09

Maybe they just changed their minds? Maybe they decided to be closer to their other son? They are retired, no doubt, maybe they decided that being close to the grandkids 24/ 7 would be too much. Does it really matter to you or are you just surprised?

Reply to Anon

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