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Question
Posted by: lolo | 2012/07/04

inlaws

I got married in 2004 but since them marrige is like a hell to be in , with everytime i have a an argument he would tell both my parents and his and also his sisters that always and thaat am the one causing argument between us, they also take me as a bad person/ woman to their son/ brother, this past weekend we had an argument and it was serious coz that''s i decided that it''s over, his family hate me because he always tells them my wrong side but i don''t report any fight we have to my parents or his parent, so now even my family has turned against me they r on his side saying that if i don''t want this marriage i must leave him in peace , even my brothers support him and they see me as someone who is not good, my ilife is falling apart, i wanted to leave him but am thinking of my kids that if i leave the kids will suffer and they will have to choose bettween me and him and i don''t want to see my children suffer because of all these mess. He also begged me to stay saying things will be okay but it''s always this and that one fight after the other fight am tired please help me before i even killl myself.what must i do in this situation .

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

His family are not wise to always assume that everything he says is true, but families do tend to do that. But how is he able to talk to your family like this without them hearing your side of things ?
Its right to focus on what will be best for the kids, but don't assume that it is always best for children to stay in a miserable marriage with lots of fichting and silences. If at some stage he begged you to stay, wouldn't he be open to agreeing if you suggested it, to seeing a marriage counsellor together ? Even if he wants to see it as working with the counsellor to stop you from causing problems for him, it would automatically also involve working on the problems he himself causes, but you don't need to emphasize that aspect when persuading him to agree to it

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/07/04

His family are not wise to always assume that everything he says is true, but families do tend to do that. But how is he able to talk to your family like this without them hearing your side of things ?
Its right to focus on what will be best for the kids, but don't assume that it is always best for children to stay in a miserable marriage with lots of fichting and silences. If at some stage he begged you to stay, wouldn't he be open to agreeing if you suggested it, to seeing a marriage counsellor together ? Even if he wants to see it as working with the counsellor to stop you from causing problems for him, it would automatically also involve working on the problems he himself causes, but you don't need to emphasize that aspect when persuading him to agree to it

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