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Question
Posted by: Mary | 2009/06/04

INLAWS !

Hi Doc
I have a sister in law who is very demanding. My birth day is coming up this weekend , my hb was invited a while ago by his sisters hb to go away for a hunting trip this weekend (my bday), at first he agreed and I kept quiet but about two weeks ago I reminded my hb that it was my bday , he immediately then said that he is going to cancell , his sisters hb realy wants my hb to go with and kept on nagging him , on Monday my sister in law phones me and asked me if I will allow my hb to go this weekend , and then she said that I can stay with them the weekend and then we can do something nice for my birtday , I thought that she has a cheak I mean I have a family to ... I told my hb that he must go if he wants to and he said that he cant realy cause he does not have money , then my farther phones him and invites us over for next weekend , my step brother is leaving the country and its his fairwell , now my hb tells me that I must tell my dad that we cant come cause he (my hb) feels its wrong since he could not go on this trip with his family now we cant go to my family , I have decided that if I want to go to my dad next weekend I will , I am sick and tired of being told when I can visit my parents and when not , every single xmas is an issue and my hb will always take his sisters part , I had it with them , in Aug his sister has planned a family get together for an entire weekend , off course we will go , I am at a point in my mairagge (after 12 years) where I want to do thing that I want to ,

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

This is a question of etiquete, not psychiatry, so I'\ll leave it to oher readers to comment.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

4
Our users say:
Posted by: Anonymous | 2009/06/04

Gracie - the blind can' t lead the blind.

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: Gracie | 2009/06/04

We are not distantly related are we? It' s the same thing with my husband' s family - a week before mother' s day I invited my two older children to have lunch with us, 2 days before mother' s day, my hb brother decided that he wants the whole family to come to his house for breakfast and then afterwards the women must all go to the movies! My hb sulked the whole day ' cos I did not cancel with my children! He did not even speak to me or my boys and sat in the lounge with his arms crossed pouting the whole day (extremely childish for a 38 yr old!!!) Needless to say we all just ignored him and the next day all was fine again! You have to put your foot down! There is never money for gifts for my parents or family, there is never money to invite them over for lunch, yet when he wants his family there, I have to find the money to buy food and drink etc. to entertain his family! They also never make a contribution with food or drink etc. They are a bunch of leeches! The Xmas is also a big issue in our house, always with his family, the odd occasion when I invited my family over, his family " gate-crashed"  and made pigs of themselves with the food! I had catered only for so many people, yet when they pitched up there was not enough food to go around! So throw your toys out of the cot, make a big scene - there are two families to consider here, not only your hb family! If my children pitch up 15 minutes late for lunch, he has the mother of all hissy fits, yet when his family pitch up 3 1/2 hours late for HIS BIRTHDAY braai, then he tells me I am being unreasonable etc. You right CS this is totally a matter of etiquette - some families have it and others sorely lack it! You go girl, don' t back down!

Reply to Gracie
Posted by: Anonymous | 2009/06/04

I agree its your birthday and well I wouldn' t want my husband not to spend my special day with me. I think his sister should respect the fact that he said no to spend it with you. But telling him he must go if he wants to........come on.....thats already making him feel guilty and you know its an old ploy. Your husband is being childish, there is no comparison, a hunting trip with brother inlaw and a farewell for your brother whos leaving the country, he said himself he has no money, and its your brother he can always go on other hunting trips with brother inlaw and he said he would stay so why bring up because he couldn' t go now you cant, so in actual fact, he really wants to go on the hunting trip and you feel he doesn' t want to be with you on your birthday and thats actually the real issue........I think.

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: Anonymous | 2009/06/04

I think you are a bit unreasonable. Put yourself in your hubby' s shoes. Stop thinking of yourself. When I read your post it' s all about u ... stop evn if just for a minute and listen to what he wants

Reply to Anonymous

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