Our expert says:
I can understand how frustrating this situation is for you, but its resolution is somewhat outside my area of expertise. Family therapy can work wonders, but only when the family members share the perception that problems need to be sorted out, and share the committment to doing so with the proper expert help. Sounds like your fiancee is burying his head in the family sand, and just trying to pretend there's nothing wrong, which doesn't say much for his problem-solving skills for the future. Maybe ignoring them, by denying them power over jhim, is in the end the best tactic ; but he owes it to you to work with you to help you find a similar resolution to the conflict.
Maria, as usual, makes excellent sense.
IT also sounds like you are allowing the adults and their familial politics to become too important. Your daughter's birthday party if for her, and whatever makes her happy will presumably be her friends, rather than the presence or absence of any particular crusty and fussy old folks.
Similarly, it is YOUR wedding, and the pair of you must decide who is or is not invited - it's not for showing off to aunties and uncles otherwise absent from your lives.
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