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Question
Posted by: Trisha | 2012-05-14

Infertility

Doc.....my husband admitted for the first time in 20 yrs that he is having huge emotional problems regarding our infertility.....He is aged 46, we adopted 2 great kids....Overall we are happily married....we both have problems that caused infertility, but for some reason my husband feels he is to blame! He feels worthless, feels he isnt man enough....feels embarress and sad and angry because he is the oldest brother, who was suppose to carry the family name forward. He is depressed and tearfull about all this...though he hides it to the world! He feels old and ugly...he is not! I love him, excepts him, tell him he is handsome.....but this became so bad that he doesnt even wants to be intimate anymore....he feels there is no use.....he has failed and has no sexdrive anymore.....I am not sure where to go to seek help for him/us.....we have seen a psychologist on and of, but not for this reason, he doesnt feel comfortable discussing this with her.....Do we seek the help of a psychologist, sexologist, male, female.....I truely want to make things better for both of
us.....

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Well, it's a step forward if he can admit and face this fact, and if the pair of you can talk about it. Men and women often feel very bad about the issues raised by infertility. And we tend either to want to blame ourselves, or to blame someone else, when its only extremely rarely anyone's fault at all.
Its understandable, though not reasonable, for him to feel like this. Manly is what a guy does, not what his biology does.
It'd be well worth him seeing a psychologist about this, someone who can help him deal both with these issues, but also assess whether there is an underlying depression. Sad life events can cause depression ; depression can cause one to ruminate about sad life events, and get stuck, spinning one's wheels.
Discus what he'd prefer - men would often feel more comfortable discussing such matters with a male counsellor. If there is a depression, treatment of that, by CBT style counselling and/or medication, could make a major difference for the better for both of you

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1
Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012-05-15

Well, it's a step forward if he can admit and face this fact, and if the pair of you can talk about it. Men and women often feel very bad about the issues raised by infertility. And we tend either to want to blame ourselves, or to blame someone else, when its only extremely rarely anyone's fault at all.
Its understandable, though not reasonable, for him to feel like this. Manly is what a guy does, not what his biology does.
It'd be well worth him seeing a psychologist about this, someone who can help him deal both with these issues, but also assess whether there is an underlying depression. Sad life events can cause depression ; depression can cause one to ruminate about sad life events, and get stuck, spinning one's wheels.
Discus what he'd prefer - men would often feel more comfortable discussing such matters with a male counsellor. If there is a depression, treatment of that, by CBT style counselling and/or medication, could make a major difference for the better for both of you

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