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Question
Posted by: Grace | 2012/03/09

Infatuation ???

I have a male friend who lives and works overseas. I have known him for a very long time, lost contact, reconnected a few months ago. We have been emailing one another, talking about our respective lives and what has transpired over the years. However, things have changed from my side anyway. I cannot wait to get into my email to see whether there is a message from him, I miss him (seriously - how can I miss someone who I have not seen for years??). I think of him constantly during the day, I think of him before I go to sleep, on my way to work. This is not how I am - I am not normally a very affectionate person, but this man seems to have brought out feelings in me that I should not be having - nothing can ever come of it, he lives abroad and I have a life here, my children (already grown up), my parents, my siblings and their families, they are all here, I could never leave my sons or my parents for that matter! Sometimes I think I must stop contacting him, but that would make me miserable. He told me that I take up a vast amount of his head space .....

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

After this long separation, what you may be beginning to feel so strongly about is not the real guy ( who may have changed in many ways ) but the fantasy, the idea you have formed of how you think he is. COnsider this, seriously, as a fantasy, as enjoyable as a crush on a movie star, and stop thinking of it as being about reality - its also fairly clear that he doesn't feel the same about you, or he would be eager to visit SA.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Obvious | 2012/03/09

You state he says there is no reason to even visit SA - what does that tell you?????
Grow up and act your age, you are not a teenager.

Reply to Obvious
Posted by: Grace | 2012/03/09

The reason why he does not want to come to SA - both his parents are deceased and his sister lives in Dubai, he feels he has no reason to come back here, even to visit. Thanks for your input DW, I really appreciate it, especially knowing that I am not the only one in a situation like this. Thanks!

Reply to Grace
Posted by: Grace | 2012/03/09

The chances of us visiting one another are very slim. He does not want to come to SA and I cannot afford to go to New Zealand. I think I must try to get him out of my system and get on with my life and deal with my problems and issues. He is just a fantasy at this stage, a fantasy I can escape to when the going gets tough! I know I must focus on my life and sort out my problems - this is my reality, I cannot live in a fantasy world any longer!

Reply to Grace
Posted by: dw | 2012/03/09

At least you have your children to focus on, I dont even have this. Sometimes your imagination is so powerful and you put him on a pedestal, yet he is far from it. It is probably because he is paying you attention, that you are obsessed with him. If someone else gave you this attention, your mind would shift onto that other person. Is there any possibiity to visit him or him you. Maybe if you meet him again in person, this infatuation will die and you will realise that that is all he was, a fantasy.

Reply to dw
Posted by: Grace | 2012/03/09

Thanks DW, I have tried to focus on other things, but my thoughts keep coming back to him. Arrggghhhhh - I hate feeling this way, I know nothing can ever come of it, yet sometimes escaping my reality into this fantasy world where he exists and plays a major role, makes my miserable life more bearable - don''t know if that makes any sense to you .... :-(

Reply to Grace
Posted by: dw | 2012/03/09

Hi Grace, I am in the same boat. You need to get other things to think about, keep your mind busy. Make sure your time awake is full to the brim. Get a hobby to persue. Read a captivating book. With all this going on, you will have limited time to think about him. Hope this helps :)

Reply to dw
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/03/09

After this long separation, what you may be beginning to feel so strongly about is not the real guy ( who may have changed in many ways ) but the fantasy, the idea you have formed of how you think he is. COnsider this, seriously, as a fantasy, as enjoyable as a crush on a movie star, and stop thinking of it as being about reality - its also fairly clear that he doesn't feel the same about you, or he would be eager to visit SA.

Reply to cybershrink

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