Our expert says:
When you're really young, the mother has real power, and you may have little alternative than to accept her ways, helpful or unhelpful. But once you have grown up, even if you bear some scars, she only has the power you give her.
Maybe she was and is cold, but maybe also she genuinely does have difficulty in dealing with her own problems, and she may indeed have no capacity to be helpful with yours - you seem not to quite any occasion when she WAS capable of being helpful.
She seems to have nosy neighbours, and to empower their nosiness ( and that of others ) by worrying too much about what they might think.
OK, the rates shrinks charge may seem a lot ( have you tried hiring a plumber or electrician lately ? ) - butwould you, sincerely, volunteer to listen to other people's problems for hours a day, days a week, at that rate ?
If you don't need the skill and training a shrink has, and just want someone to listen - try seeking our support groups and similar opportunities to chat with others with similar problems and issues.
OK, so your father was a useful and loving and helpful ear. But clearly your mother isn't capable of that. She's not your father, and never will be. Why do you persist in looking to her for what she cannot provide ( probably not even for herself ) ?
Maybe you get to feel rejected, because you turn towards people actually likely to reject you.
As Germ implies, maybe blood is thicker than water, but sometimes it forms clots.
Try looking towards being a good listener to others with problems ( not keeping accounts as to how much listening they now "owe" you. It also helps to get one's own problems into perspective.
And as for therapy, which could indeed help, with the right sort of therapist, it should not be about simply expecting someone to sit passively and Listen to your venting ( at least not aftter one or 2 sessions ) but about actively workign together to wrangle your problems into shape, and help you to gain the skills and strengths to handle them yourself.
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