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Question
Posted by: jane | 2009/04/07

independant mess

hi
I have been seeing this guy for 6 years he manged to buy a flat and has someone renting in it now.we are engaged and he wont set the date his reason is he is not ready to get married or even move out.I am 24 years and his 25.I am at a stage in my life where i want my own space and want feel that i want to be on my own iether living with him or by myself.we both still live with our parents and I feel that its time I stand on my two feet.he however is not ready to do this i told him that I would get my own place ,which only upset him-apart from that why get my won place when we get work together to get the bond paid off faster.I alos suggetsed that I be the tenant in his place that way I can give him the money he needs and still have my won place -his not happy with that iether...please advise me what i could do in a situation like this because it looks like he wants only what he wants.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

If he's not ready to get married, why did he get engaged ? Sounds like he has all he wants already, and marriage might spoil his fun. And without marriage, he thinks you should work to pay off the bond on HIS place ? And pay him sent ? This isn't an engagement, it's exploitation

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Our users say:
Posted by: Good advice | 2009/04/08

Please, whatever you do don' t ever, ever go into this " Buying a property together"  business. THAT can only cause heartache and be very costly down the line, should you ever split up. Get rid of him ,a controller and self centered person by the sound of it, and get your own place and be your own person. Take off the rose tinted spectacles and se him for what he is and where it could land you if you insist on staying with him.

Reply to Good advice
Posted by: Purple | 2009/04/07

Pluck up the courage and find your own palce without him. It' s what you want at this stage isn' t it - your own place and freedom. You' re lucky you can afford your own place. JUST DO IT. In this life one does need to think of themselves more than others.

Reply to Purple
Posted by: Purple | 2009/04/07

Pluck up the courage and find your own palce without him. It' s what you want at this stage isn' t it - your own place and freedom. You' re lucky you can afford your own place. JUST DO IT.

Reply to Purple
Posted by: Maria | 2009/04/07

I think you should face the fact that you and your guy have developed in different ways and directions over the last 6 years. That happens, people change a lot during their early twenties. It' s better to face facts now than to marry him and then find out you shouldn' t have five years and two kids down the line.

My advise would be to break off the engagement, find your own place and learn what it' s like to be independent. Explain gently to him that right now you guys want different things in life and are in very different places emotionally.

Good luck

Reply to Maria
Posted by: Tanith | 2009/04/07

difficult one! Why dont you go ahead and find your own place? why wait for him to be " ready" . do you really want to live with this guy if he is so adament you do things his way? I say, move out, get yourself your own place and this way you will be showing him that you are not waiting around for him to make his mind up and you will also be excersing your own independance. Just think of all the fun you will have decorating your very own place! Fun times!

Reply to Tanith

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