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Question
Posted by: Anonomous | 2011/07/19

Indecent Proposal

Good day CyberShrink

I am a married woman, married for 8 months but with my partner on and off for 12 years. I am currently taking cilift daily for bouts of depression for years now. I am seeing a therapist but guess i just needed your thoughts on the matter as well.

My husband has been out of permanent employment for about 2 years now and this strain has indeed caused many trials in our relationship. We are still staying with my parents, have no kids and even though the situation might sound horrendous to many people, we love one another deeply.

I have posted here before about our difficulties, particularly due to him not working and him naturally not being in the mood for sex, also of course due to us living with my parents, feeling like we are kids, etc.

Anyway, this past month has hit us so hard financially that we have had to sell so many household and clothing items. I am taking care of my parents and sister who is on a disability grant as well. I posted an advert on a local want ad section where i requested a way to make extra money.

I received many strange offers, one offering me money to have sex with him occasionally. I felt really drawn to this offer prompting details from him and comtemplating heavily on the idea.

We have been liasing back and forth via e-mail and i think i am more tempted by the sex than the money to be honest.Even though the money he is offering will probably help me keep a roof over our heads i do not want to be unfaithful nor do i want to be a prostitute.

There is however this other voice that is telling me i should do what feels good and enjoy the offer that is being presented to me, the same voice that wants to lure me to a dark place i really dont want to be a part of.

I felt like telling my husband but dont want him to feel more pressure as he is trying very hard to find a permanent job, he cleans and runs errands wherever he can. He is also seeing a therapist due to this stress. As i say i have written before regarding my occasional fantasies and sexual infatuations i mentally construct but never has it been this close to actually happening i think.

I was raped when i was 16 if this may help, anyway i really would appreciate your thoughts on this matter.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Yes, unemployment puts a strain on any individual and any relationship.

However, I don't see how I can recommend taking up paid sex as a solution for problems, though I can understand how you might find the idea tempting in more ways than one. What does your husband think of the idea ? He could hardly fail to be curious about where the new money was coming from. Otherwise, how could you explain it to him ?

I agree with Maria.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Anonomous | 2011/07/19

Id just like to thank every1 who understood my post for the great advice.It has really helped me gain insight from people who may have actually been in my situation,thus being people from all walks of life..

Reply to Anonomous
Posted by: Me | 2011/07/19

What you need to remember is  it''s all a fantacy in your own head - the idea of having sex with a stranger - and it''s a fantacy shaped JUST FOR YOU. It will NEVER be what you need it to be or pictured it to be, it will never fall into place the way it does in your head, the difference between the reality of the matter, and the fantacy, is so very different, that once you''ve gone ahead and done it (that''s now if you were to make that decision) you''d not only feel very guilty about it, but you''ll regret it badly, and feel dirty, and you will not be able to cope with the flush of emotions that come with the REAL act of the fantasized deed!

Reply to Me
Posted by: Options | 2011/07/19

Generally I agree, this is not really a good idea, but it all depends on how you would handle it. If you know the person and you take the usual precautions, look on it has simply shaking hands. Break the act down to its basics. What is it after all ? Do not tell your husband as he would probably not be able to handle it emotionally. As for where the money comes from, simply say its a loan from your place of work. What are the alternatives? Could you handle it emotionally? Think of all the people who are having sex, cheating on their partners and they do it for fun. They may also receive benefits, clothes,cars, exopense accounts and no oine says too much about that, so what is the difference if you do for cash, no strings attached?? Just make sure its a goodly sum of money and not just pocket money !

Reply to Options
Posted by: Maria | 2011/07/19

Don''t do it.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: Anna | 2011/07/19

I agree with CyberShrink - and I''m confused why you would want to vent on a medical advice forum?

Reply to Anna
Posted by: anonomous | 2011/07/19

Hello there, my apologies to cybershrink if you thought i was trying to ask you whether i should accept this proposal. As i mention in my post i am receiving therapy for a number of issues, lust and infatuation with strangers being one of them. I realise that only i can make this decision and would never ask another person even a professional to help me make the decision. I merely thought to vent or at least gain some more insight on the matter. @G, thanks for the mail and i can tell you my husband cleans peoples yards and does casual and odd jobs wherever he can, their is no permanent employment. My husband is the type of man who would pick up vegetables from the side of the road to make a meal for me so yes he is trying really hard.

Reply to anonomous
Posted by: G | 2011/07/19

While you may be tempted right now for the reasons that you meantioned, remember that once it has happened, you might feel very guilty. If you tell your husband beforehand, there are only two possible reactions:

- He gets upset that you even considered doing that and may feel very hurt, or<br>- He agrees that it might be a helpful thing to accept that man''s offer.

-Both are terrible, especially the second. Any man who accepts or encourages his wife to have sex with someone else for money deserves absolutely no respect.

-Don''t expect your relationship to stay the same after you tell your husband OR go ahead with this idea. Things will change dramatically. If you love your husband, rather try to help him find a job. How can someone be unemployed for 2 years too? Surely he is not trying enough. He may look like he''s stressing a lot about it, but he can''t be trying enough.

Does he want just one particular kind of job? Why doesn''t he look for something else in the meanwhile? Even a poorly paid job is better than nothing. If he''s too picky, please make sure he''s not just trying to take advantage of you, like many others these days. Looking for a job is like a job in itself. He should be spending many hours a day looking, if he cares enough.

Either way, please don''t consider having sex for money. That should be your very last option in life.

Reply to G
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/07/19

Yes, unemployment puts a strain on any individual and any relationship.

However, I don't see how I can recommend taking up paid sex as a solution for problems, though I can understand how you might find the idea tempting in more ways than one. What does your husband think of the idea ? He could hardly fail to be curious about where the new money was coming from. Otherwise, how could you explain it to him ?

I agree with Maria.

Reply to cybershrink

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