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Question
Posted by: Anon | 2010-10-15

Incompatible

I am dating a guy who is 2 years my junior, we both are professional people. I have a child he doesn’ t. When we starting dating things went okay, but then I realised that he likes his alcohol to the point where he even forgets that we had planned to meet etc.
When he leaves my flat he leaves to visit his friends and then he comes back drunk. He recently stopped renting a flat to move back home as he said that it would be ridiculous to pay rent and be paying a bond (he is busy building a house), which made sense. His family home is about 30 minutes from work and I stay about 5 minutes away. We agreed that he would stay over and go home after his shift of 4 days. He leaves the flat to be with his friends / family and he comes back so drunk that he is slurring. I don’ t have alcohol at all. I have had enough time in my youth to party  we are both in our 30’ s. I am very comfortable with sitting at home with a book or sitting at the beach and relaxing. I’ m not sure if he believes that he can take the liberties to be coming and going as he pleases because he has contributed to my household. We’ ll go out with his cousins and I end up playing designated Dave because they will get drunk and I have to drive the car, at the end they have an argument and I sit there like an idiot and they don’ t even take into consideration that I have to go to work the next day.
I have spoken to him about this before and he apologised and told me that he will change, but then yesterday he tells me that I can’ t expect him not to spend time with his friends and family, i agree with this but why do it with considering me. When he is with them he is jovial and lively, when he is with me he falls asleep within 2 minutes.
I don’ t want this kind of relationship and know that I want to break up with him  the question is however, am I being unrealistic. Should I be less serious or am I correct in saying that he wants to have his cake and eat it.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

You're so right that it is high time he grew up and recognized that partying is an empty phase, and he has responsibilities, both to himself and to you while he is in a relationship with you.
You're describing a guy ( and his friends ) who exploit and use you, to enable them to be drunks.
His complain is invalid - its not that you are expecting him NOt to spend time with genuine friends and family, but you'd like him to be considerate of you, and to recognize that he is not really spending time with them other than to get drunk.
You are surely being unrealistic if you expect him to change any time soon - but you are being highly realistic if you decide to end this relationship and leave him to grow up.
Look after yourself, rather than wasting your time and effort on someone with no respect for you and apparently very little respect for himself.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

4
Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010-10-16

You're so right that it is high time he grew up and recognized that partying is an empty phase, and he has responsibilities, both to himself and to you while he is in a relationship with you.
You're describing a guy ( and his friends ) who exploit and use you, to enable them to be drunks.
His complain is invalid - its not that you are expecting him NOt to spend time with genuine friends and family, but you'd like him to be considerate of you, and to recognize that he is not really spending time with them other than to get drunk.
You are surely being unrealistic if you expect him to change any time soon - but you are being highly realistic if you decide to end this relationship and leave him to grow up.
Look after yourself, rather than wasting your time and effort on someone with no respect for you and apparently very little respect for himself.

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: police | 2010-10-15

maybe his on cocaine? alcohol isnt the only thing that makes people slur when used excessively.

wow you really have amazing ability to pick good life partners we all await your offspring with bated breath!

Reply to police
Posted by: PMS | 2010-10-15

You are not married to him - I would tell him to take a hike. Why live with someone like that if you don''t have to.

Reply to PMS
Posted by: lizard | 2010-10-15

damn right you are, his bread is buttered on both sides, this would drive me clean up the wall, nothing irritates me than bloody slurring males and in his 30''s still playing with his friends,
hell no

Reply to lizard

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