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Question
Posted by: Anonomous | 2010/12/06

Incest

I am a 31 year old woman married and still sharing a home with my parents and 24 year old sister. When i was a young girl i was extremely awkward, i was overweight, i still am and never had any friends. I started babysitting my little sister from a very young age. I was about 10 or 12 and she maybe 6 or 7.I remember being bullied alot at school and at home by my mother, she was very unhappy with me, my weight, my introvert ways, she seemed to hate me actually. I remember being jealous as she did not treat my sister that way. I was therefore very angry at home. I took it out especially on my sister. I remember having many fantasies about older men all the time, becoming completely obsessed with them. I also recall masturbating very often, often many times a day and night. I say this with tears in my eyes as i rememeber molesting my sister, i dont recall touching her but i made her lie on top of me and recall telling her it is a game we were playing. Why would i have done it, i think i may have done it to a baby cousin of mine at that time as well. When i turned 13 things changed a little, not completely, i still masturbated, i just didnt involve my sister or anyone else. I supressed these thoughts and just pretended it never happened. Why would i do this to her. When i was 15 i was raped by a man aged 25 years. At that time i think i forgot what i did when i was younger but i supressed that as well. My sister was diagnosed with schizophrenia last year and she says she recalls being abused, she never mentioned me at that time but did so over the weekend. She says i was sick and she remembers everything, i think she may have told my mother. My husband does not blame me, he blames my mother. What do i do and say to make this right, i feel like killing myself, i hate myself for what i did. How can i make this right..please help me.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Masturbating, of course, is normal, and people have a wide range of fantasies that accompany that, depending on their very individual tastes and ideas. And some degree of sex play between children is also far more common than most people think, and not necessarily evil, as some of us are told.
It sounds as though you had a sad, lonely, and essentially unparented childhood. YOur mother must indeed take serious responsibility for this neglect. What you did was not hateful, but ill-informed. And it would have had nothing at all to do with your sister later becoming schizophrenic.
However this obviously all weighs heavily on you, and you need and deserve properly expert assistance. Try to arrange to see a good local pychologist for a proper assessment and a discussion of treatment options. You should be able to move beyond this history and find a happier and more satisfying way of life, in which you will also be better able to offfer support to your sister.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Friend | 2010/12/06

My dearest friend, you were hurt during your childhood and you acted in a way that you thought may soothe your hurt at the time. God knows your heart, and He knows your pain. Please just lay all your burdens at the foot of the cross and believe that God loves you and has forgiven you whatever your tresspasses - just claim your salvation and forgiveness from God. Ask your sister''s forgiveness and try to explain to her what you explained in your letter. If she understands and forgives you, then good. If she does not understand and withholds her forgiveness, just remember God understands has already forgiven you (if you asked) or will forgive you when you ask! Then with the knowledge of God''s love, grace and forgiveness, your husband''s love and support and the skills of a clinical psychologist, put all of it behind you and only look forward. Best wishes to you.

Reply to Friend
Posted by: anonomous | 2010/12/06

I appreciate your comments but why would i lie or argue about something that happened when i was a child, i do believe God will have mercy on me as i was also but a child who did not have much guidance.

Reply to anonomous
Posted by: XXX | 2010/12/06

I would strongly suggest that you need some therapy to get you through this.

Reply to XXX
Posted by: Klato | 2010/12/06

I am afraid only God can help you now, find a way to approach Him and be honest theres no point lieing or arguing with Him he knows everything anyway.

Reply to Klato
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/12/06

Masturbating, of course, is normal, and people have a wide range of fantasies that accompany that, depending on their very individual tastes and ideas. And some degree of sex play between children is also far more common than most people think, and not necessarily evil, as some of us are told.
It sounds as though you had a sad, lonely, and essentially unparented childhood. YOur mother must indeed take serious responsibility for this neglect. What you did was not hateful, but ill-informed. And it would have had nothing at all to do with your sister later becoming schizophrenic.
However this obviously all weighs heavily on you, and you need and deserve properly expert assistance. Try to arrange to see a good local pychologist for a proper assessment and a discussion of treatment options. You should be able to move beyond this history and find a happier and more satisfying way of life, in which you will also be better able to offfer support to your sister.

Reply to cybershrink

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