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Question
Posted by: HOw the hell do I handle this? Urgent!!! | 2009/11/02

in utter shock

My 7 year old daughter just told me that her 9 year old brothers'  best friend fingered her and put his penis inside her!!!

App. this happened more than a week ago. What is the steps I follow from here? Do I speak to the cops first, take her for an examination, call the therapist? what do I do please?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Do not call the cops first - its extremely rare to find cops capable of handling such a situation competently and without making it much worse. Take her to see your GP, or better still, a pediatrician your GP could recommend, for a gentle examination and a discussion of what happened. If he's a little boy, there may well be nothing to find on examination.
THen it would be helpful, if possible for her to see a gentle child psychologist or child psychiatrist, for a further assessment. They should also be able to advise you on legalities. Reporting it to the police either results in a clumsy mess of no benefit to anyone, or, if it leads to a case, such cases can be more traumatising to the child than what actually happened. Take care, while taking this seriously, not to make it seem calamitous so as not to frighten the girls more. Praise her for her good sense in telling you about this.
Discuss with the child shrink how best to handle it - it might be best to discuss this with the relevant child's parents, as he may need assessment, too.
Children are curious about sex among many other things, and they do experiment and explore together, so this may not represent evil intentions, but for a young lad to act that definitively sexually raises the possibility that he may have been exposed to molestation himself, so all aspects need to be explored and understood.

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7
Our users say:
Posted by: Just asking | 2009/11/03

Following on from what Wise Owl had to say, may I ask where her parents or sitter was at the time ? Sorry about the incident, its awful, but the kids of today are something else and to respond to Ali, yes indeed a 9 year old can certainly get and sustain an erection and is probably masturbating as well. As far as penetration is concerned, that would be possible although I guess he would have had to intimidate/force her to cooperate? Keep strong.

Reply to Just asking
Posted by: ali | 2009/11/02

yes examiniation first. then speak to the boys parents..
keep her away from all her brothers friends for now..
A 9 year old can get an errection and penetrate a girl??
i hope hte story is exaggerated and it didn' t go that far.. you will get the answers. lots of courage and love
Ali

Reply to ali
Posted by: ali | 2009/11/02

yes examiniation first. then speak to the boys parents..
keep her away from all her brothers friends for now..
A 9 year old can get an errection and penetrate a girl??
i hope hte story is exaggerated and it didn' t go that far.. you will get the answers. lots of courage and love
Ali

Reply to ali
Posted by: Wise Owl | 2009/11/02

That is simply awful. I know what I would like to do to the young man. He would have a squeeky voice for the rest of his life ! Seriously though, I think that parents have to be paranoid concering the safety of their youngsters, especially young ladies. They should never find themselves in isolated situations, rooms with closed doors, covered with blankets playing " house"  etc when there are other youngsters in there with them. They have to be closely supervised. How did this boy get her alone ? Where was your son at the time ? You can never be too careful. Anyway, go the route suggested by the other readers. Sorry about that.

Reply to Wise Owl
Posted by: Kelly | 2009/11/02

OMG! Sorry to hear this! I think you should take her for an examination first and maybe the doc. can advise you from there.
I cant imagine what you must be going through right now.

Reply to Kelly
Posted by: D | 2009/11/02

Take her for an examination, and then get her seen by a psychologist and once confirmed, you can then lay a charge at the police station, and maybe question your son if his friend was indeed alone with your daughter and did he see anything unusual, this is a very delicate and horrifying experience, as a parent you want to storm off to that boys house and well lots of things go through my mind as a parent.
But put a foot wrong and if its true you need to go by the book.
This is just my opinion, maybe you can phone the police station first and ask them whats the procedure to follow before laying a charge or can you lay one straight away!

I' m sorry, I really am, I really hope it never happened.

Reply to D
Posted by: cybershrink | 2009/11/02

Do not call the cops first - its extremely rare to find cops capable of handling such a situation competently and without making it much worse. Take her to see your GP, or better still, a pediatrician your GP could recommend, for a gentle examination and a discussion of what happened. If he's a little boy, there may well be nothing to find on examination.
THen it would be helpful, if possible for her to see a gentle child psychologist or child psychiatrist, for a further assessment. They should also be able to advise you on legalities. Reporting it to the police either results in a clumsy mess of no benefit to anyone, or, if it leads to a case, such cases can be more traumatising to the child than what actually happened. Take care, while taking this seriously, not to make it seem calamitous so as not to frighten the girls more. Praise her for her good sense in telling you about this.
Discuss with the child shrink how best to handle it - it might be best to discuss this with the relevant child's parents, as he may need assessment, too.
Children are curious about sex among many other things, and they do experiment and explore together, so this may not represent evil intentions, but for a young lad to act that definitively sexually raises the possibility that he may have been exposed to molestation himself, so all aspects need to be explored and understood.

Reply to cybershrink

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