Posted by: Zinger | 2009-01-13

In need of release

' m a 30 year old woman. We' ve been married for 7 years.
The problem is that my husband and I have sex once a month. This isn' t working for me. We' ve talked about it and I' ve asked for a compromise, but he' s not interrested. Sometimes he doesn' t even want to talk about sex. And when we do have sex, it' s really good. We have toys for mutual use. He doesn' t kiss me goodnight nor does he ever just hold me or give me a hug. We sometimes don' t even kiss hello or goodbye......... It was so different the 4 years.
I' ve come to the point where I' m considering cheating. Just for the sex.
What do I do? I don' t want to cheat, but do I have a choice?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

One always has a choice. The question in your relationship seems to be “to what extend are the two of you into on another and how important is the other’s needs in the relationship?”. Cheating in order to have unfulfilled needs met is not a solution to the origin of the concern, but more a response to an unfulfilling relationship and has the potential to break down the relationship more. I strongly recommend that the two of you make an appointment with a psychologist for professional couple counseling in order to explore what you as a couple need to do to make this relationship work for both of you. If he is not interested, you should still explore the therapy route.

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Our users say:
Posted by: rock | 2009-01-13

I know exactly what you going through. My wife again is like your husband. she does not want sex that often but i need to be satisfied. I myslef have never cheated on her before but its like i will explode if i dont get sexual satisfaction soon.

Reply to rock
Posted by: RP | 2009-01-13

Well sex/intimacy is a huge part of any relationship, especially if its not working for one party! My opinion: If a partner WONT go for couple therapy, then you are morally entitled to separate. What else are you supposed to do. The message from him is clear, if not direct: ' I dont want to meet your needs or work on the relationship' . Sorry, but thats the hard truth.

Reply to RP
Posted by: Zinger | 2009-01-13

No, J. That' s maybe why I haven' t cheated yet. I love my husband :-/
I don' t want any invitations.
He could be depressed, but he doesn' t want to see a psychologist or counsellor.
I really don' t know what to do! Sex is very important to me. It' s not just the sex part but also the emotional that goes with it. The cuddles and loving. I just don' t feel loved!

Reply to Zinger
Posted by: RP | 2009-01-13

Could he be depressed?

Reply to RP
Posted by: J | 2009-01-13

Will you -|- someone else just for sex, without feeling something for him?

Reply to J

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