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Question
Posted by: Lisa | 2012-10-06

In love with another man

I''m married and in love with another man, i want to stop feeling what I''m feeling for this man. I want to stop thinking about him, I want to lead an honest life with my husband but this man keeps creeping into my thoughts that sometimes I even think I should divorce my husband and persue him. But my marriage means a lot to me and we have beautiful kids that we love dearly. How do I stop loving this man? Please advice...Thanks!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

If you are in love with another man, why are you married ? And if you are married, why are you indulging yourself in love for another man ?
This other man sounds more like a fantasy, able to be perfect because he isn't your real daily partner, and he's more like the subject of emotional masturbation.
See a marriage counsellor together and work on refreshing and enhancing your marriage, and if you have too much spare time in which to indulge in fantasizing about the other guy, keep busy with hobbies and chores and good works with other people. Avoid seeing and speaking to the other man, and when you think of him, recognize this as an unhelpful fantasy, and swat away the thought like a fly

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Our users say:
Posted by: rose | 2012-10-09

been there too!! But I don''t have a fab husband. We have had 4 kids together and there isn''t much between us. Our sex life is almost non existent, becos hubby says he isn''t interested in sex. He doesn''t see the point of us spending quality time together because we see each other everyday. And does not believe in romance or showing and form of love or appreciation. Says there is no need once you get married.

I have kids and a home and value family life. But I found that I also fell in love with someone else, who also had a family. We both valued our families but found that we found friendship with each other and we can ask each other for advice, discuss our problems and even ask each other for advice when we have disagreements with our spouses.

We both have partners that are moody and difficult. We sometimes feel lost. We developed a friendship. We live in different cities, so don''t see each other, unless if we travel there for work purposes on occasion.

CS I have suggested on numerous occasions to my hubby that we go for counselling. He just laughs at me &  says that counselling is such bullshit.

CS this is why I fell in love. Lame I know, but I feel less lonely and unappreciated.

Reply to rose
Posted by: Just me | 2012-10-08

Hi Lisa, is this other male married. Does he have Kids. Does he also feel the same way towards you. Did you tell him how you feel.

Reply to Just me
Posted by: just me | 2012-10-08

I really hope you are able to overcome these feelings and save your marriage. You will only regret it if you allow this other man tocome inbetween the love you have for your hubby. If you allow this to happen you will loose alot more than just your husband, you will loose your kids and your respect. I think try different things with your husband and bring that spark back.

Reply to just me
Posted by: Mariana | 2012-10-08

I am on the other side of the coin, my husband decided to move out and live with the other woman while still loving met after 32 years of marriage. He is a very UNHAPPY man and regret it every day. Stay in your marriage and work harder to find the things that attract you to this other man in your own husband........look at him differently as if he is your lover and not your husband.........do the little things for him that you will do for this other person and watch how things will change.

Reply to Mariana
Posted by: Reagan | 2012-10-08

I understand how you feel about the other man. This is the way you felt when you fell in love with your husband. Don''t prsue your feelings because you may destroyed what you have. Look at the following:
1. You have lovely kids - don''t destroy their future
2. Your husband you have been together for some years
3. Family relationship - they look to your marriage.
4. Friends - they respect you for your successful marriage

REMEDY FOR YOUR PROBLEM
1. Avoid communication if any with this man
2. Be busy with your family activities
2. Go for holidays with your family and enjoy yourself.
3. Look at positive side of your relationship with your husband

Reply to Reagan
Posted by: frank | 2012-10-08

i think its a human thing, we get bored of monotony, but it doesnt mean we dont love that person. the feelings you have for the other guy is like a rush you are feeling, similar to the feeling when you first met your husband. i am very sure this new person would bore you in a couple of years time. i think if we stay away from t.v and spend that time developing our current relationships, it will help for us not to deviate in thought and feelings. yeah i said it, the likes of shows like desperate housewives etc, make us think its ok to jump ship when it suits us or pursue that fantasy and it will all be ok.

Reply to frank
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012-10-08

If you are in love with another man, why are you married ? And if you are married, why are you indulging yourself in love for another man ?
This other man sounds more like a fantasy, able to be perfect because he isn't your real daily partner, and he's more like the subject of emotional masturbation.
See a marriage counsellor together and work on refreshing and enhancing your marriage, and if you have too much spare time in which to indulge in fantasizing about the other guy, keep busy with hobbies and chores and good works with other people. Avoid seeing and speaking to the other man, and when you think of him, recognize this as an unhelpful fantasy, and swat away the thought like a fly

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: Dianne | 2012-10-07

agree with the above post. It happens .. that one can love/like 2 men. I have too!! The difference is you recognise your respect and love for your husband and the love of your family. So as long as you dont act on it, its prob ok. Focus on what you have!! (and what you will loose if you go there. so not worth it!!)

Reply to Dianne
Posted by: Zoe | 2012-10-06

I too have been in love with two men. It is two different kinds of love. My husband is the father of my children and he is No. 1 in my life. The other man is someone that I admire for what he is but he will NEVER take the place of my husband. I adore and love my husband - I love and respect the other man only. He, like me, is happily married....and that is the end of the story!

You cannot have everything - its impossible. If you try it only causes cr@p in your life that you can and should avoid at all costs. Keep it to yourself and stay involved with the family you chose in the first place.

Reply to Zoe

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