Posted by: Confused | 2009-09-20

In love with 2 men

I am happily married. Have lovely children, a great well paying job. We are happy, we dont fight, we share the same interests and everything was amazing! 5 weeks ago I met someone in our social club, nice guy, Also married, wife had a baby a few months ago. She is sweet, we get along well. I am now in the position of utter confusion. We keep " seeing"  each other at these social events (usually 2 a week) and sms often, mainly over work related issues or social club issues but every now and again its personal.

Today I find myself missing him, and I do mean really MISSING him. I have NO intention of starting an affair, neither does he, but he admitted to feeling the same way. It it possible that we have fallen in love or an less than ideal situation, or could be it infatuation or just a good friendship? I will never leave my family for him. He wont leave his for me.

I need to state again, we dont have any intention of starting an affair. If we keep this " feeling"  private and keep the NO affair issue, do you think we should remain friends like we are or should we walk away now?

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Our expert says:
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What on earth are you confused about ? You know exactly how wrong any such affair is, and how bad it would be for you, him, your husband and children, and his wife and kids. If he's in a social club --- stop atending it, as this is entirely unnecessary. Also, if he's in a club and doesn't work wioth you at your normal job, there is no reason for exchanging SMS, and that is NOT "business" or work related. This isn't genuine love, and dignifying it with that name only increases the risk. Certainly you should end this right now. YOu would not be able, if you tried to maintain this current development, to control it, and it would surely develop into an affair. And neither of you need that and neither of your spouses deserve it. Wise Owl is entirely correct. Appreciate what you have, and don't gamble it away on a tawdry affair. Stop excusing it by bragging to yoursefl that its not an affair now. You're already being unfaithful in your mind. Are you really so desperate for friendship ? Rather, even with marriage counselling if necessary, invest in your marriage, and leave him to his.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Dude | 2009-09-21

In dainfern they all get together for a spitt braai :)

Reply to Dude
Posted by: Ditto | 2009-09-21

Hi. I' ve been in the same situation just the only difference is my hubby and I do not have a gr8 relationship. Communication, lack of interest in sex from his side etc. This does not excuse the fact that I enjoyed the attention of another man but still it feels good. He too has a family and we also exchanged sms' s and phone calls that would lead to very private conversations. Nothing happend physically but it reached a point where it faded mostly from his side due to the fact that he too realised the risk. I dont know maybe he just lost interest. My point is still today I wonder why it stopped, was it me etc but I also feel that he could just click his fingers and I would be willing. Luckily he did not. What kept me going as hard as it was? if I could not respect my marriage (with no kids) I could surely respect his, 2 kids, the baby just 5 months. Good luck it is better to leave " while you still can" !

Reply to Ditto
Posted by: Wise Owl | 2009-09-20

Oh dear me. In a word, pack it up and stop all contact. You are going to ruin your life and that of your loved ones not to mention his family. Its not worth it my girl. You probably feel good about yourself that someone is showing an interest in you and that you " still have it" , but its silly really. Enjoy the moment and get on with your life.

Reply to Wise Owl

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