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Question
Posted by: Heartbroken | 2009-10-05

In Love for what

Hi, I am 33 years old and to date only had 1 girlfriend in my life. I was never really interested in relationships as I never thought of it as a priority in my life. I have met a girl who is 23 years old and she stole my heart completely. She feels the same way. We enjoy each other company and we are almost alike and we have the same interests. I have totally fallen in love with her. I treat her with great respect, carry her with my 2 hands where she wants to be and spoil her rotten every week.

She also has huge feelings for me but somehow something is chasing her. She wants to go and work overseas for 1 year or 2 next year august which means that I will have to stay behind alone. She said to me that in that time we have to go on with our lives and date other people and if she comes back we can see if our paths cross again. I actually don’ t know how to feel at this moment or if I am able to accept the fact that she will not be part of my life anylonger at the end of august. We will still be friends however, but it is just that I cannot accept the fact that she wants to go overseas and leave me her alone. Does this mean she doesn’ t really have feelings for me or she does not feel the same about me. I have also seen that since I am 33 I cannot go with her because I will not get a working permit due to my age.

Is it really worth carrying on with this relationship or should I just go with the flow and use her like all men sometimes do!! Should I stay with her and hope that GOD will answer my prayers to work it out for us. I really don’ t want to loose her and I have never felt like this before with anybody. I think it is a little unfair to wait 33 years for someone and you know she is the one,but then to keep in mind that you are going to loose her in 10 months time. Life is not fair,really

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Her suggested plans sound like something many people think of, especially when younger, when they feel they can spare the time and want to sample other countries. I'm sure she wants to go overseas, rather than wanting to leave you, and she probably had this plan in mind even before meeting you. Its probably nothing personal, though of course it would feel that way. Maybe things will work out and maybe she will return and be ready to resume a relationship with you. But if this doesn't happen, DONT assume that you have lost your last significant chance of happines --- the very fact of this relationship shows that you can form happy relationshiops with others, and if this one doesn't happen to work out, the next or the next but one probably will.
Nothing is an excuse for wither of you to "use" the other. At least it sounds as though she has been frank and up-front with you about her plans, and that shows respect, for you and for herself.
excellent responses from other readers, all round

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Our users say:
Posted by: Really | 2009-10-06

I don' t think it is the age thing, I just think that she has set priorities in her life that she wants to meet, don' t you think it is fair that she follows through? Think ten years ago when you had set priorities and as you say, your priorities towards relationships have not been top priority for the last few years, would you have settle for anything less or more especially towards a permanent relationship!

She probably has been planning this trip for a while now and as I can read, it seems she wants to develop her career first before she settles into a permanent relationship... I think this is only fair, if that is what she really wants. It was good for her to be honest and suggest that you both date other people while she is away, long distance relationships can be strenous and no one knows what the future holds.

She also did something honourable by preparing you and her for the separation that is to happen in 10months, rather celebrate that you had such wonderful times together and if you guys do end up together in the future then you will have great memories about your relationship.

You don' t have to use her, just enjoy it knowing you share something great with a great friend.

All the best and Good Luck!

Reply to Really
Posted by: Kelly | 2009-10-05

Shame man, so in all honesty she is telling you before hand that she is breaking up with you in Aug.
She is young and free to do what she wants and it does seem like she does not feel the same about you as you feel about her.

So You going to be heartbroken in the end, why not just cut your loses now and move on.There' s no point in contin.this is theres no commitment from her side, it will only be more heartbreaking for you then.
Let her go and as she says, when she returns and the both of you are single you can hook up again and see where things go from there.
In that time you might just find that special someone who is willing to give you the same commitment and love you with all their heart.

Also pls do not wait on her, for all you know she could find someone, get married, have kids and you will still be waiting on her to come back and be with you all in vain.
I' d say cut your loses and try to move on if she is that deadset on leaving without you and seeing other people.

Reply to Kelly
Posted by: almost mad | 2009-10-05

I think its a age difference thing. She is still in her experiementation phase. While I think she does care and have feelings for you, perhaps she is not ready to settle yet. She is currently in a different stage in her life. If you keep her from travelling she might resent you later in life, but on the other hand you also cant wait till august to get your heart broken. Discuss this with her. And no it doesnt mean you should use her.

Reply to almost mad

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