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Question
Posted by: silly | 2011/05/03

in love?

This is really not a serious thing, but I''m just trying to find the answer anywhere, or maybe just to get it off my chest.
You see I''ve fallen in love, with a younger guy 3 years younger, he is 25 and single and still being 25, I am 28 and have 2 children, also single.
I was " seeing"  this guy previously, but we ended it, for what seems to be my fault, I was playing hard to get and I think he got tired of the chase.and HE decided it''s best we remain friends for the sake of the friendship. Anyway I have found myself MADLY in love with this guy, we are also VERY close friends and are around each other in our circle of friends all the time. And now the added complication is I think he and another girl also in our circle of friends may be interested in each other, but then I when I think again I realise all the signals I get from him that shows he may still be interested in me, then I think what if he is scoping out the reaction from both sides. What on earth is going on and what do I do? I am not used to this anymore, I was with the father of my children for 8 years so I am completely LOST, I also do not wanna tarnish my rep in anyway, esp not within my group of friends. :-s

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

As I keep saying, the diffference that CAn make a real difference in a relationship, is where there's a gap in your maturity, your social and psychological age, not in simple years.
People who play hard to get, often just don't get got.
You don't mention how long you've known this new guy, but is it perhaps a bit early to be MADLY in love ?
And why rely on "signals" which can be so very easily misinterpreted, even when they're flag signals and you're expert in semaphore ? Why not do something outrageously old-fashioned, like, TALK to each other and find out how he feels ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: silly | 2011/05/04

Thank you very much for your in put, I will reflect on them all.

Just one comment I would like to make.
1. I am a single mother and an extraordinary one at that, my children come before even my first thought.
2. falling in love makes us all a bit immature, and act out of character, the next time you give advice place yourself in the context of the next person before passing judgement(so say you are not but you are). This may be the very reason why single mothers feel condemned, and destined for failure in the every relationship, because many people out there immediately assume we don''t know our place because we find ourselves in a situation that may not be ideal in the eyes of society.

The guy I speak of is very mature, mentally, psychologically and more importantly spiritually, he simply adores my children and vice versa he has been in their lives from the beginning, so while I cannot help for the fact that I have developed these feelings, I know that given half the chance both me and my kids would benefit greatly from a man like this in our lives. I have not been running around " looking for a man"  or " been out on the streets"  this is someone close to my heart and family.

The reason I was weary about being with him from the onset is because he is my friend first before anything else and I appreciate and encourage the fact that he should live and have a good life the way every 25 year old deserves, without being tied down to the responsibility of a woman with 2 children. and if he should be with me after all of this, my children will remain MY responsibility and never his burden.

Immature and childish maybe, but what is falling in love if not with many factors including confusion? and an little bit of feeling 16 again. Even if it is an " old"  woman running after a young man.

Reply to silly
Posted by: Truth | 2011/05/03

I do not think the age gap would be a problem as you sound very imature.
As a mother to children you should have more important priorities in your life than playing hard to get an falling madly in love.
I think you need to concentrate on growing up and becoming mature enough to search for a life partner for yourself and a good role model for your children.

Reply to Truth
Posted by: Romany | 2011/05/03

I think it is unfair of you to want to enter into a relationship with this man. He is 25 years old and need to live his " single life"  before he settles down.
Then there is the matter of your two children. You are a package deal now and any man that gets involved with you actually gets involved with 3 people. (for some it is great !! So I am not judging here !)
I think it would be to your benefit to look for a man, in the same position as you, or a little bit older maybe. One that has already enjoyed his " jolling"  and are ready to settle down with a ready made family and happy with the fact that he may possibly not have kids or more kids.

Reply to Romany
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/05/03

As I keep saying, the diffference that CAn make a real difference in a relationship, is where there's a gap in your maturity, your social and psychological age, not in simple years.
People who play hard to get, often just don't get got.
You don't mention how long you've known this new guy, but is it perhaps a bit early to be MADLY in love ?
And why rely on "signals" which can be so very easily misinterpreted, even when they're flag signals and you're expert in semaphore ? Why not do something outrageously old-fashioned, like, TALK to each other and find out how he feels ?

Reply to cybershrink

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