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Question
Posted by: CONFUSED | 2010/02/24

IN LOVE

Hi doc

I have feelings for someone at work. I met this guy 5 years ago when he started working at our company. We both married with children, He''s got 3 sons age 25,23 and 20. Mine is 14 and 9. We see each other every break that we get at work. His wife is paralised and is unemployed, and they not sexually active, and he is frustrated but can''t talk to her (according to him) about it, because she''s got her health to worry about. I know everything of this man, and we 14 years apart. He is a very good person. He gives me alot of attention which I am not getting at home. If we go out lunchtimes, we carriers my bags etc. because I am spending so much time with him, I think I am getting emotional involve with this man, whereas I can go so far as to leave my husband and get married to this guy. I am inlove with this man, doc.

We were for a few times sexually involve, and I confronted him as to where our relationship is going. But he says he''s got also very strong feelings for me, but he can''t leave his wife. she is financially dependent on him. He is a very manly man and does everything for his wife and children. He lives for his children, and also you can''t say anything wrong about his wife. He earns a good salary but is also very stingi. since the time we seeing its other i can count how many times he took me out or bought me a gift. I don''t know if this man is honest with me about his feelings or is he only with me to fulfill his sexual need., cause he''s not getting any at home. i asked him about it, and then he tells me he is than everyday with me, more than he''s with his wife. and he comes see me every break. I dont know what to do, because this is also pulling me away from my husband, sometime I can''t even sleep (have sex) with my husband, because I''m feeling so bad, and sometimes this man is all I can think about. He also says he can''t wait for mondays to come to work just to see me.

Another thing I had a suspicion that he is chatting to other girls as well, and I begged him to give me his password for his Groupwise which he at the old end gave it to me. And my suspicion was confirmed. he is chatting to another married woman and they like have email sex, I was feely so bad and used about this. but after a few days i was over it. My feelings for this man is too much, I oversee his faults

Please give some advise. dont know what to say and do anymore.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Why do I get basically this same question so often ? If you don't get the attention you want in your marriage, see a marriage counsellor, not a lover. QWhen 2 married people have an afair, many innocent people get hurt their spouses and children, for a start.
And you ae so kindly, that you have decided to "love him", and "oversee" / overlook his faults - even though he is actively cheating on his wife who mis in a tragic situation, AND cheating on you and her with at least one other woman ( you have no way of knowing whether there were and are others ) ? DO you really think so little of yourself that you feel you deserve this ? And that your husband and his wife, and your children, deserve nothing better than this ?

Can you imagine the plight of his paralysed wife if you take him away from her ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: Married | 2010/02/25

U two women,should becareful.

A cheating woman for a man,is the most disrespecful to self and untrustworthy being,ur kind of men love having sex with different women and do away with when they are tired,Les,devorce and be free not because u have a new fling or sleeping mate.

And as for you,go for counselling,i have been that route,i cheated and re-married the guy i was cheating with,i regret ever leaving a wonderful father and husband.We fought but loved each other,
.
I am stuck with my husband and we are happy so to say BUT its nothing compared to what i had with my EX.He was never a cheat nor a liar BUT this one,he is a plateful of reason,cheats and lies.Turns out he enjoys sex with married woman and can never recover.

Reply to Married
Posted by: Les | 2010/02/25

Your situation is similar to mine, married and inlove with someone else. I also don''t like the fact that this guy is not calling me but I''m still so attached to him.
Do you still love your husband? Do you think your married is worth saving? Has your husband been good to me?
Think about it. My answer to all those questions is NO. I feel my marriage is over and it has been for years. maybe try staying away from this guy and see how you would feel after that, i think being in contact with someone sometimes just excites us and we forget really what we are about.
Good luck galfriend i hope you sort out your problems

Reply to Les
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/02/24

Why do I get basically this same question so often ? If you don't get the attention you want in your marriage, see a marriage counsellor, not a lover. QWhen 2 married people have an afair, many innocent people get hurt their spouses and children, for a start.
And you ae so kindly, that you have decided to "love him", and "oversee" / overlook his faults - even though he is actively cheating on his wife who mis in a tragic situation, AND cheating on you and her with at least one other woman ( you have no way of knowing whether there were and are others ) ? DO you really think so little of yourself that you feel you deserve this ? And that your husband and his wife, and your children, deserve nothing better than this ?

Can you imagine the plight of his paralysed wife if you take him away from her ?

Reply to cybershrink

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