Our expert says:
Vent away !
I understand how irritating this must be for you, though I must admit I haven't too often heard someone complaining that someone does the housework for them !
Its always more difficult, isn't it, when the person who is being a nuisance obviously means very well and is being kind even though heedless. Remember that they may need both to feel useful ( imagine them sitting at their home feeling totally useless and redundant ) and to need to feel a bit hard done by. So when they groan about what hard work something was, don't let it make you feel guilty, just make mildly sympathetic noises and largely ignore it.
But do avoid mentioning any wishes when they're around ( sounds like the curse of having a willing genie round the place, who will grant you everything you wish for, though providing not quite what you wanted. And if there realyl is something you want, be sure to be absolutely specific in spelling out exactly what it is you want !
THough you may well see it as pprimarily yourt husband's task to dissuade them, it'd be best to do so as a couple and face-to-face, rather than by text.
Often a useful tactic is to recognize their drive to be useful, and try to find other things they can do without being a nuidance - maybe getting them involved in some charity work, "on your behalf" if necessary, or doing something you really do want.
I wonder how they'd respond if, while they're doing your back garden, you sneak down the road, let youtself into their place, and wash their dishes or whatever ?
Certainly be more explicit about what a huge favour they could do you both by recognizing your need for alone and romantic time together, maybe agreeing to stay away several nights / days a week that suit you best ? Try for a joint family meeting and negotiation, pleasantly but firmly stating your concerns and needs, recognizing that they mean so well and are trying so hard to be helpful, but making it clear that the way they;'re doing it now, is just not being helpful, and deprives you both of the pleasure of doing some of the chores together and without others being involved.
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