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Question
Posted by: mam | 2010-10-04

in laws

hi, my mom in law wants to talk everyday, i''m not happy with this so have stopped taking her calls to get the point across, she asks her husband to call and then tells my husband i wont take her calls. This irritates me as i feel she''s trying to force me to do something i don''t want to, the scenario above has happened at least 6/7 times and she wont get the point. Although she''s a nice person, i find her quite bossy/controlling at times such as when i gave birth she invited herself into my home when i did not want anyone over for at least the 1st week, when she saw i wasn''t happy she got her husband to call us and she was sobbing in the background causing my husband to give in. We are newly married, and i''m having trouble setting boundaries as my husband and his family seem to do everything she says and are very scared of making her unhappy. I''m quite resentful about the birth incident particularly because I could not get my way in my own home. I view her constant calls as a way to get access and control over us as she does with her family and i want to maintain some distance between us. How do I handle this nice and early in our marriage so we don''t have any issues like the one around my birth again, my husband does not see my problem and it irritates me further that he thinks his mom is always right I''m always overreacting.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberDoc

Dear mam
You are in a difficult situation but ignoring her calls won't really help. The problem with a strong mother figure is that her son will always be in the middle and whatever he does, one of the women in his life will be hurt. Did you tell her that you don't want to be called everyday? The only solution is to discuss this with her and to come to some kind of agreement e.g. that you will meet her halfway, and that you will call her every 2nd day. I also think that you should discuss this with your husband and ask him to assist you in drawing the boundaries, but be flexible with what will make him feel comfortable, otherwise this will cause marriage problems in future. Try taking baby steps in the beginning. I am not a psychologist but this is what I would do! Good luck and try to get the opinion of cybershrink too?
http://www.health24.com/experts/CyberShrink/979-984.asp
Dr Bets

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

2
Our users say:
Posted by: mam | 2010-10-04

sorry wrong forum.

Reply to mam
Posted by: Cyberdoc | 2010-10-04

Dear mam
You are in a difficult situation but ignoring her calls won't really help. The problem with a strong mother figure is that her son will always be in the middle and whatever he does, one of the women in his life will be hurt. Did you tell her that you don't want to be called everyday? The only solution is to discuss this with her and to come to some kind of agreement e.g. that you will meet her halfway, and that you will call her every 2nd day. I also think that you should discuss this with your husband and ask him to assist you in drawing the boundaries, but be flexible with what will make him feel comfortable, otherwise this will cause marriage problems in future. Try taking baby steps in the beginning. I am not a psychologist but this is what I would do! Good luck and try to get the opinion of cybershrink too?
http://www.health24.com/experts/CyberShrink/979-984.asp
Dr Bets

Reply to Cyberdoc

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