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Question
Posted by: Kristen | 2009/05/04

In laws

Hi CS, hubby and I have been married for 5 months now, we live in his mothers granny flat which was meant to be for a short while until we save money to buy. She comes into our home whenever she feels like it while I' m in bed even, his brother comes in and raids our kitchen, walked in once as i got out of the shower. His sister visits his mother almost every weekend even throughout the week to eat there and we have to be there to. we went shopping this weekend and she followed us into our house to see what we bought. My husband invites them for breakfast and supper all the time, eating supper together is abnormal they have to be there. When we go out she wants to know everything. His sister doesnt have a vehicle so she asks my hubby to drive them back and forth all the time, like we have no life. My hubby and i had a huge argument a month ago which she came to know about it was his fault completely and he admitted it and we moved on. She says the problem is with me beacause almost everbody in my family is divorced and she says she' s worried about my frame of mind because my uncle is schizophrenic. All this coming from a holier than thou christian. This has been going on for some time and the only reason I have put up with them is beacause his father passed away 4months ago. But this is becoming outrageous.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Sounds like none of you agreed on ground rules before you moved in. For the mother to enter a flat that belongs to her is understandable abd probably legal, though rude unless pre-arranged. For the brother to steal food is criminal, and for anyone but the mother who owns the place to enter is almost trespass, and certainly extremely bad manners. It sounds as though your husband is a large part of the problem, wanting to appear generous to his sibs. he sounds far more married to his whole family, than he is to you. He is hppy with the situation. YOu, verty understandably, are not. Marriage counselling ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: Anonymous | 2009/05/04

Youre marriage is still very very young and new...little things will bother you but before you say something that will alienate your husband and his family, think and rethink it and you' ll find silence to be your best answer if its something not worth the trouble. With time things will change, and he will respect you for giving him the space to slowly detach himself from his family, which will inevitable happen, I know this from experience. Its gonna be hard, but if you love your husband and want to build a strobg marriage, be patient and give it time, it will change in time.

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: Anonymous | 2009/05/04

Im kind of in the same boat as you, but I try to remmember that this is his family, their a big part of his life, they might not always like me, but he has chosen me, even if they do not want to do their part, I will do my damdest to be happy with him, because I love him, so I choose to stick asround and do what I can to make it work. And the part where they just come into your house, some families are just like that, they have no boundries, im sure he still just go into his mothers home and helps him self to what ever, it' s not always easy to accept, but for your own happines you should try, what seems abnormal to you is very normal to them, you should have taken his family into consederation before you got married, they will always be a part of your life

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: Kelly | 2009/05/04

Perhaps you should give him an ultimatum...
Thing are not going to change unless you move, believe me!
While it would be great for children to grow up close to their families when you guys do decide to have it will be best to find a place of your own, preferably far away from them.So they will only be able to visit every now and then.

Because it' s the mothers place they most prob.all feel entitled to come and go as they please and envade your privacy like that!
Try to get out asap or it will only get worse and cause rifts between you and your hubby

Reply to Kelly
Posted by: Kristen | 2009/05/04

It doesn' t seem like he wants to move out amytime soon, I' ve asked he says soon and nothing else. Theres no urgency from him at all

Reply to Kristen
Posted by: Anonymous | 2009/05/04

dont take it personally, enjoy his family while you can hopefully you will be moving out sooner than later.

most christains are mildly psychotic at best. jesus is a great guy dont get me wrong, but the distance between Him and his so called followers is a universe within a galaxy :-)

i hope i helped!

Reply to Anonymous

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