Posted by: Anon | 2009-04-29


My husband sister is well off than most family members including us. She splashes out money on her family without her husband knowing. Recently she assisted us financially for a funeral eventhough we did not ask her for the money. Normaly she does this and thinks she can then tell you what to do. So 2 days after the funeral she called be to TELL me what is going to happen and how it must happen. This thing was going to be at my house and she was telling me that I have no say and must just accept what she is saying. Since I was stressed, for the first time I told her OFF. She has since decided not to speak to me. I have called, emailed &  smsed and no response. Even when she speak to my husband, she told him that she doesn' t want to speak to me since I was rude. She een told her mom ie. my mom in-law. Anyway my husband was with me when I " told her off"  and he says I was justified to say what I said since she was rude to me.
What bothers me though is that my husband thinks it' s " okay"  that me &  her sis are not on speaking terms. Does he have to mediate or tell her sis to try and sort things out with me? Soon, she will want her mom to visit us, how is she going to handle that? My plan is to IGNORe the mom when she is here should this whole thing not be planned with me. What do you think???

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Our expert says:
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Don't you all, as a family, need some better negotiating skills ? IF she is to pay all the costs of a social event, it's understandable that she will expect her views on how her money is to be spent, to be taken seriously, but it's impolite for her to insist that everything must be done her way. Yet surely a the start, when she offers to pay ( or annoucnes that she intends to do so ) the family should epak up and make it clear that there are some aspects of the event that they want to be in a certain way, and that they are prepared to pay, themselves, for a less elaborate event, and don't want her to bully anyone with her point of view. And she needs to recognize that if you, for instance, provide the venue for the event, that should also give you some real say in how it will be conducted.
She doesn't sem to recognize that HER way of behaving is rude, and offensive to some others, and she apparently only notices when anyone seems rude to her.
Are you the only one in the family who finds her behaviour offensive or upsetting ? And wouldn't it be better for some things to be paid for, on a more modest scale, by the family as a whole, rather than letting her dominate ?

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