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Question
Posted by: Kel | 2009/10/29

IN A MESS

Dear CS,

I have got myself in a very bad situation. I am recently divorced (a divorce that took 2 years) I have a 2 and a half year old from my marraige. I am in a new relationship with someone that I was friends with for about a year before we got romantically involved. Last week I found out that I am pregnant. I am about 4 weeks pregnant and I was devastated to find out. Initially I thought that I couldn' t have the baby and thought of terminating it, then after I cooled down I thought that we could do this. After this week I am having second thoughts again. I feel like I am burdaning or tying my boyfriend down with this baby. We are constantly fighting because of my moods and I feel very insecure. When I was 3 months pregnant, I found out that my husband (now ex) was having an affair. All these fears are coming back and I am uncertain of my future. I am worried that if I terminate the pregnancy I will be missing out on a future, but at the same time, if I don' t I will then become a single mom of 2 and life will be even harder than what it has in the past. My boyfriend says that he is here to stay, but when we fight, he gets a look af regret in his eyes, and I feel that he doesn' t realise how much hard work it is raising a child. I am not 100% sure that I want the baby but not 100% sure that I don' t...

I don' t know what to do. If I go through with the termination, will I be punished?


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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Your boyfriend participated in the making of this baby - shouldn't you urgently discuss this with him, and let him share the process of deciding what's best to do - for the baby, at least as much as for you ? The moods you have been experiencing, leading to conflict with him, could have been related to the hormonal changes of pregnancy.
Be aware that abortion carries a toll for the mother, especially if she is unsure of what she wants. He may want the child ; and of course there are other options, like adoption. So don't be hasty, but discuss it with him and give him time to absorb the news and digest it, before deciding.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Faith | 2009/10/30

Hi there. Please take serious note of the responses here. I have not gone for an abortion but got preg at the age of 17 and had the baby which was not easy. I am not sorry because he is my everything. I am now married 4 years to another man and we are trying. Your fears... I totally understand my 1st time was a mess. My bf constantly cheated and I almost lost my baby. He was prematurely born at 7 months due to this. I, in my marriage am still very insecure and scared of this as most men (even in a marriage) makes the world of promises but when they hear you are preg its all in vain cause some of them use is to " gain power" . This fear cannot take over your life. Fear does not come from God so believe in him and in your self and all WILL be ok! Good luck!

Reply to Faith
Posted by: Blossom | 2009/10/29

Please dont terminate, they are such wonderful beings. Give it up for adoption if you decide not to keep it. My three kids are so amazing, I didnt realise this when I was younger. Now that I am older, I thank God for them, they have opinions, say things that make me die of laughter, immitate us in the most embarassing ways, and even beat us in debates!

Reply to Blossom
Posted by: Wendy | 2009/10/29

I am now 28 weeks pregnant - was divorced with 2 kids and met a wonderful guy and preg with my 3rd ... dont just have an abortion - i saw my baby on sonar at 10 weeks and he was already moving his arms and legs - enjoy the gift that God has given you.

Reply to Wendy
Posted by: Neo | 2009/10/29

I dont think you will be punished but your life will never be the same again. Abortion has so many psychological effects. I did it and there is never a time when am not thinking about the baby.

Reply to Neo
Posted by: paddysrevenge | 2009/10/29

why kill the kid, have you thought about adoption?

Reply to paddysrevenge
Posted by: cybershrink | 2009/10/29

Your boyfriend participated in the making of this baby - shouldn't you urgently discuss this with him, and let him share the process of deciding what's best to do - for the baby, at least as much as for you ? The moods you have been experiencing, leading to conflict with him, could have been related to the hormonal changes of pregnancy.
Be aware that abortion carries a toll for the mother, especially if she is unsure of what she wants. He may want the child ; and of course there are other options, like adoption. So don't be hasty, but discuss it with him and give him time to absorb the news and digest it, before deciding.

Reply to cybershrink

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