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Question
Posted by: Emma | 2010-07-28

In a loneliness rut

Hi CS,

I find myself feeling very lonely and feeling very sorry for myself. I have now lived alone for the past 5 years,after 2 failed marriages. I don''t know how to change my situation. I am not looking for a partner, just company. I work 8 hours a day but I sit alone in my office all day. I go to church on Sundays and have a nice circle of friends there, but they are all married couples. My other friends 2 single females are always too busy to visit. In the past I belonged to a bowls club, but now I cannot afford that anymore (financially I mean).

I cannot take in a flat mate for company as my home is too small. I tried to be transfered to another department at work, but management opposed the transfer. So I am alone 24/7 and it is getting me down. People say I should help other people in need, charities etc, but that is also a problem as I am disabled and cannot move about very easily.

I have two grown children who are living their own lives, and I do see them from time to time.

Is there a cure for loneliness?
Thank you for your time.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

let's see. Some people work in a sociable setting - is that impossible where you are or do you just choose not to get friendly with others at the office ? Church and sports / hobbies are usually good places to make friends, as you seem to have found. Yes, charity and similar work can be a good idea - I too am disabled but find this still possible - explore. Similarly, maybe you can make more friends online and communicate with them that way. There are very many lonely people out there, many of them online.
There's no cure for loneliness as such - one either finds ways to make the sort of friends you want, or one reduces one's expectations of friendships, learns to enjoy being on one's own, and maybe develops relationships with a pet.
What can other readers suggest ?

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2
Our users say:
Posted by: OVa | 2010-07-29

Online and mixit

Reply to OVa
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010-07-29

let's see. Some people work in a sociable setting - is that impossible where you are or do you just choose not to get friendly with others at the office ? Church and sports / hobbies are usually good places to make friends, as you seem to have found. Yes, charity and similar work can be a good idea - I too am disabled but find this still possible - explore. Similarly, maybe you can make more friends online and communicate with them that way. There are very many lonely people out there, many of them online.
There's no cure for loneliness as such - one either finds ways to make the sort of friends you want, or one reduces one's expectations of friendships, learns to enjoy being on one's own, and maybe develops relationships with a pet.
What can other readers suggest ?

Reply to cybershrink

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