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Question
Posted by: Pregnant at 21 | 2012/10/15

I''m stressing too much

I''m 21 and my boyfriend is 23.
We''ve been together for at least 10 months. I don''t know much about his side of the family and mine know him.
I''m more or less two months pregnant. He urged me to do an abortion because he is afraid of being
disowned by his parent and because he isn''t working, but in the process of getting a job.
I''ve been working for sometime now and I have no problem taking care of the baby when it''s born
the only problem I have is doing the abortion which he is begging me to do.
I am really lost and confused as I do not feel comfortable at all with the abortion, the thought
of it just leaves me looking like a guilt-ridden person. A friend of mine says I''m really selfish because I''m deciding to keep the baby and I''m not thinking about my boyfriend.

Am I really being selfish and unreasonable here? I told him I can provide for the baby and although it''s going to be
hard I don''t expect him to do any sacrifices for me especially being disowned by his parents. At the
moment he doesn''t speak to me about any other thing accept the abortion, which is stressing me out.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Obviously, running any risk of pregnancy in the situation you are both in, was not at all wise, but now you are pregnant, maybe a counsellor can help you both to think through the various alternatives and make a wiser and more informed consent.
But it sounds sensible for you to have decided to keep and raise the child, whereas he sounds as though he's being selfish and cowardly ; and while of course he should express his opinion, he shouldn't be pressurizing you to do something you dont want to do.
It is NOT YOU who are being selfish here. He should be ashamed of thinking only of himself and not providing you with the support you deserve.
And very few parents actually "disown" a child even if they have made some bad decisions as he may have done.

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4
Our users say:
Posted by: Anon | 2012/10/17

Hi

Liza is right. My sister also fell pregnant, went for an abortion, cause his mother threatened her and him. She even attempted
to lock him up. (what mother allows her son to escape their responsibility). Your friend is also naive to think that you should go for an abortion to save your relationship with your boyfriend. My sister has been very traumatized doing the abortion. And the fact that he never stopped her at the suggesting only suggest that he was chicekning out of his responsibilty. Your boyfriend is doing the same. Don''t let him or anyone bully you into making a decision you not willing to make.

Good luck

Reply to Anon
Posted by: Liza | 2012/10/15

NEVER have an abortion because you''re being pressured to have one. Your boyfriend is the selfish one here. He''s only worried about what others are going to think and how it''s going to affect his own life. You on the other hand are willing to embrace and raise this child without wanting anything from boyfriend, which shows that you''re a lot more mature than he is.

I fell pregnant at 19. I could have had an abortion, but chose not to. Today I have 2 beautiful boys that I love to bits. Even through all the struggles - financial and otherwise I''ve NEVER regretted my decision.

Good Luck
Liza

Reply to Liza
Posted by: Annie | 2012/10/15

I think you are the responsible one.
Losing a baby is something you''ll never forget and being responsible for " losing"  that child will probably be haunting you forever.

If you feel you want to keep your baby - dont let him or anybody else talk you into an abortion. A baby is a part of you. And no matter how much you think you love your boyfriend, if he dont want to accept responsibility for his actions - perhaps he dont love you enough.

My sister got pregnant before she was married and were still very young. She and her boyfriend did not say a thing. He was afraid his dad will kill him ans she was afraid because my parents could not tolerate her boyfriend - and told her this numerous times.
Then a friend of my mom who worked with my sister told my mom she suspect my sister is pregnant. My mom confronted my sis - although she denied it, mom could see on her face the truth.
So my mom told her she loves her and it does not matter what she decides, she will always support her.
She was 8 months pregnant then. They got married and even his parents accepted it. Baby was born a few days after the wedding.

It is now 10 years later and both grandparents love the little girl to bits.

Talk to your parents. Even if they are angry at first they will support you and love you and your child.
I am a parent myself - and there is nothing I wont forgive my chilld. I just pray that my children will trust me enough to tell me when they are in trouble or when they need me.

Reply to Annie
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/10/15

Obviously, running any risk of pregnancy in the situation you are both in, was not at all wise, but now you are pregnant, maybe a counsellor can help you both to think through the various alternatives and make a wiser and more informed consent.
But it sounds sensible for you to have decided to keep and raise the child, whereas he sounds as though he's being selfish and cowardly ; and while of course he should express his opinion, he shouldn't be pressurizing you to do something you dont want to do.
It is NOT YOU who are being selfish here. He should be ashamed of thinking only of himself and not providing you with the support you deserve.
And very few parents actually "disown" a child even if they have made some bad decisions as he may have done.

Reply to cybershrink

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