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Question
Posted by: ANON | 2010/09/10

I''m not sure I know what I want

I was doing some introspection last night and I was asking myself if I am really the problem. I am dating someone who in my opinion is very self-centred, life revolves around him and if you don’ t abide by his rules he refuses to talk to you. I have realised that this is a toxic relationship. I ask him to take me places and he tells me that he will do it on his time, 2 months have passed and we haven’ t spent time together. We have a child together and he sees her once a week. He tells me that I repeat the same things and that he don’ t want to listen because I am nagging over nothing and that I just want to create arguments. He even went as far as telling me that nobody likes me because I am argumentative. Last time I checked I had many friends. He tells me that he would rather be single. We broke up before because he cheated and he came back telling me that he realised his mistake and that I am the woman for him, so I ask why he doesn’ t show it. I have since sent my boyfriend a message and told him that we should call it quits because he doesn’ t event take my calls in order for us to talk about it, he didn’ t even bother responding. I don’ t believe in cheating, I wouldn’ t do to someone that would hurt me too. I recently met a guy who has been asking me to go out with him and I haven’ t because I haven’ t got closure on the other relationship. He talks to me daily at the gym and tells me how much he likes me, and now I see him every day and I am bored because he agrees to everything I say, compliments me etc. Now I am confused, I want a man to see me, take me places, compliments me etc and I don’ t want him and here I have someone who doesn’ t do any of those things and I cannot seem to cut him out completely. What is wrong me with. Its true woman dont know what they want...What should I do? How do I cut my losses with the first guy completely in order for me to find a meaningful relationship.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I can't help wondering why some women will choose to have a child with someone they obviously don't really know at all, only to discover rather later on, that this is an unpleasant person they don't want to be with.
You may be dating him, in a sense, but he's wrong when he says he'd rather be single - he already IS single. You are probably right about him not being committed to this relationship, and that you will probably be better out of it than in. You seem to anticipate that it would be hard for you to simply tell him politely that it is over, ( he should be relieved to be "single" again ) and to move on - why doe you feel this way ? What are you worrying about ? What part of it do you expect to find so difficult ? And what would you miss about a guy who sounds so very little involved with you anyway ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/09/10

I can't help wondering why some women will choose to have a child with someone they obviously don't really know at all, only to discover rather later on, that this is an unpleasant person they don't want to be with.
You may be dating him, in a sense, but he's wrong when he says he'd rather be single - he already IS single. You are probably right about him not being committed to this relationship, and that you will probably be better out of it than in. You seem to anticipate that it would be hard for you to simply tell him politely that it is over, ( he should be relieved to be "single" again ) and to move on - why doe you feel this way ? What are you worrying about ? What part of it do you expect to find so difficult ? And what would you miss about a guy who sounds so very little involved with you anyway ?

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