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Question
Posted by: Morgan | 2010/12/08

I''m not likeable

In the past, I didn''t question the reasons when I discovered that someone or some people didn''t like me. When I think back, I realise that it has been a long time coming. Since primary school. People treated me differently all through high school and I don''t really fit into the workplace. I know for a fact my sister doesn''t like me and can often ignore me for weeks or months even years. I have no idea why. It''s not in my head. A family member once told me that she''s never liked me, even when I was born. What the hell is going on? I have had so many problems in the past because of the fact that people hate me so much. What''s wrong with me? Do they see something that I''m not aware of? And how can I figure out what it is?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Older sisters sometimes resent a younger sister from birth, as a rival getting, at least at first, more attention than her.
Realize that, though it may very well feel to you that "people" or "everybody" hates you, this is not so - you can't even say that "everybody" hates Bin Laden, though he surely deserves that much more than you do. So some people dislike you ? Or don't noticeably like you ? It happens. This troubles you because you have chosen the viewpoint that they MUST like you, that there MUST be something awful wrong with you if they don't like you. And that's not so.
Also, very often the reason someone doesn't like you lies entirely within themselves, and may have nothing to do with you.
In my experience, NOBODY is liked by everybody ( if it seems to be so, then something is awully wrong, and you'd need to worry about why they're all buttering you up !). And nobody, however awful, is disliked by everybody.
Do see a therapist to work through your problems, which are more abouyt low self-esteem than anything at all unlikeable about you.
I remember the wise words of a good friend, years back, when I was moaning about how people didn't appreciate me. "Don't worry", she said, " There are large sections of Uzbhekistan where they haven't made up their minds yet. "

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Our users say:
Posted by: TO What? | 2010/12/08

then you must be ugly !!!! Women never like another woman prettier than herself. Only dog ugly women like pretty women !!!

Reply to TO What?
Posted by: re | 2010/12/08

CHIEF i say nobody has to like me....hell they lucky if i like them....all i need to be confortable with is me.....so ef them....and I mean that so there is my advise chief.....all you need to say is ef them......and if a fam members say some crazy sht say it again a whole lotta people will start recognising you....and still don''t be afraid to say ef them too if they bring yo misery and pain

Reply to re
Posted by: Flower | 2010/12/08

Hi sweety,

Sorry to hear this.

It is so difficult to be in this space - always weary if people are going to like you or not. But I have learned that not everyone in this life will like you for whatever their reason might be. I''m normally just civil to them and then go on with my own business of life. We all have to get through this thing called life and be as happy as possible and not let other people''s reaction influence our happiness.

As Cybershrik usually recommend is CBT - I''ve never been and would love to - because I think they deal mainly with actual action plans. Maybe you need the courage to ask your sister for instance why she does not like you - then move on (at least you will know). And this will also help you in your social and work life (I am def a bit different at work aswell but know I have to change my attitde if anything is going to work)

Good luck....

and at the end of the day .... screw them and don''t get fixated - surround yourself with people you feel like you and that can nuture you.

Reply to Flower
Posted by: What? | 2010/12/08

Real Likable! which women are those? You seem to live in your own dream, i''ve never disliked someone because they are pretty!

Reply to What?
Posted by: Likable | 2010/12/08

Morgan... are you very pretty? Women don''t like pretty women. Do you get on better with men than women? Then you are too pretty...

Reply to Likable
Posted by: Just Me | 2010/12/08

Morgan, Go chat with a Therapist a.s.a.p. No need to spend the rest of your life completely unhappy. Trained people can easily uncover the problem and help you with the way forward.
Good Luck

Reply to Just Me
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/12/08

Older sisters sometimes resent a younger sister from birth, as a rival getting, at least at first, more attention than her.
Realize that, though it may very well feel to you that "people" or "everybody" hates you, this is not so - you can't even say that "everybody" hates Bin Laden, though he surely deserves that much more than you do. So some people dislike you ? Or don't noticeably like you ? It happens. This troubles you because you have chosen the viewpoint that they MUST like you, that there MUST be something awful wrong with you if they don't like you. And that's not so.
Also, very often the reason someone doesn't like you lies entirely within themselves, and may have nothing to do with you.
In my experience, NOBODY is liked by everybody ( if it seems to be so, then something is awully wrong, and you'd need to worry about why they're all buttering you up !). And nobody, however awful, is disliked by everybody.
Do see a therapist to work through your problems, which are more abouyt low self-esteem than anything at all unlikeable about you.
I remember the wise words of a good friend, years back, when I was moaning about how people didn't appreciate me. "Don't worry", she said, " There are large sections of Uzbhekistan where they haven't made up their minds yet. "

Reply to cybershrink

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