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Question
Posted by: Tumi | 2011/05/12

Im losing my mind

My boyfriend has cheated on me so many times and each time I forgave him for it, Now I try to trust him but everytime he goes out or everytime he is not at my side, I feel he is up 2 no good. I have spoken to him about it and he keeps telling me he is done with fooling around and wants to work on our relationship. I have seen how he is really trying but I still feel like he is going to let me down. How can I work on my trust issues so that I dont even think about him cheating on me. I hate the feeling and I hate not trusting him but i cnt help it. PLEASE HELP ME

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Why on earth do you keep on "forgiving" a man who i obviously not repentent and who obviously intends to continue doing this ? Your "forgiveness" encourages him to carry on cheating. Why on earth qwould you try to trust someone who has proven, repeatedly, that he does not deserve to be trusted ? You know he has been lying to you about being "done" with cheating. Why continue to believe his empty promises ?
NOT cheating is NOT a terribly dificult thing to do, so it's nonsense for him to pretend to be struggling to achieve this. How can he be "really trying" yet continuing to fail ?
And why on earth have you bought into this daft idea that the problem is somehow YOUR fault, and that you need to trust a guy not even a dog would trust ? This is not about "trust" issues in the sense of your needing to learn to tryst an untrustworthy guy, but trust issues in the sense of your feeling compelled to tryst someone who doesn't deserve to be trusted. What on earth do you find to love about someone who is serially unfaithful ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: Liza | 2011/05/12

Obviously your boyfriend hasn''t been trustworthy and you have a reason not to trust him. You hate not trusting him? Why? Nobody should trust a proven untrustworthy person. It will only lead to heartache. Don''t give your trust away for ''free'' i.e. don''t trust him when he''s done very little to deserve your trust. It doesn''t work. That isn''t trust - it''s more like just turning a blind eye! He has to EARN back your trust all by himself. This is up to HIM - not up to you. And this will take lots of time. Being trustworthy on a few occasions just isn''t enough.

Perhaps you could try couples counseling to help work on the trust issues but most of the time a cheater will remain a cheater. If a guy cheated on me once, I would probably give him another chance. If he cheated on me twice that would be the end of the relationship. Many times? I won''t stand for the emotional abuse!

Good Luck
Liza

Reply to Liza
Posted by: Nonnie | 2011/05/12

If you love him and feel that you can work it out with him, give it a go. Talk to him about renegotiating terms in order for you to overcome the insecurities that are troubling you. If he loves you, he would understand and assist you. Councelling is always a good idea to give both parties an objective view and assist in rebuilding trust. Good luck!

Reply to Nonnie
Posted by: QQ | 2011/05/12

Make peace with the fact that you WILL NEVER trust him again. It is a fact. Your only alternative is to move on.

Reply to QQ
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/05/12

Why on earth do you keep on "forgiving" a man who i obviously not repentent and who obviously intends to continue doing this ? Your "forgiveness" encourages him to carry on cheating. Why on earth qwould you try to trust someone who has proven, repeatedly, that he does not deserve to be trusted ? You know he has been lying to you about being "done" with cheating. Why continue to believe his empty promises ?
NOT cheating is NOT a terribly dificult thing to do, so it's nonsense for him to pretend to be struggling to achieve this. How can he be "really trying" yet continuing to fail ?
And why on earth have you bought into this daft idea that the problem is somehow YOUR fault, and that you need to trust a guy not even a dog would trust ? This is not about "trust" issues in the sense of your needing to learn to tryst an untrustworthy guy, but trust issues in the sense of your feeling compelled to tryst someone who doesn't deserve to be trusted. What on earth do you find to love about someone who is serially unfaithful ?

Reply to cybershrink

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