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Question
Posted by: Lee | 2011/06/15

Im I a bad wife?

I''ve been married almost six months and the way my husband treats me makes me feel like I''ve made a mistake. Im not sure whether I love him anymore. He has told me to write down all the things that he needs to do and told me that its my responsibility to remind him to do these things. We both work and Im the first person to wake up and take a bath and prepare him lunch and make sure that his clothes are ironed and all that stuff. When we are late he blames me and says I should wake him and insists that he wakes up but I feel he is an adult I shouldn''t be rquired to do this. He has told me that he is disappointed with me as a wife. This morning he told me Im untidy because I don''t remind him to wash his car or to clean it inside. He says I don''t support him because I don''t do the things he wants me to do. These are just a few things he has said to me. Am I a bad wife?I feel like this marriage is about him and not about us, that I am to fullfill all his needs but he doesn''t even care about ny needs.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Maybe, at a stretch, he needs you to point out to him where he is failing or bothering you, but to expect you to REMIND him of these ? And then he'll complain of nagging ?
Read Lysistrata, the ancient Greek legend. Stop making his lunch, stop ironing his clothes - "as a reminder of what he needs to do ". Reming him, just once, to buy an alarm clock, if he can't wake on time.
Tell him he can't be disappointed with you "as a wife" as he seems to know nothing of what a husband or wife are or do - but you understand that he's disappointed with you as a mother to his aging child. And gently suggest that YOu are disappointed, as you thought you were marrying an adult man.
If he fails to notice the car is dirty without your remidner, does he need spectacles ?
YOU not doing everything he wants of you, is unsupportive. But HIM not doing anything you want of him, is not ?
Good grief, had you actually MET this guy before geting married ? Or did he successfully hide all this stuff until after the ceremony ?
He's supposed to be a Big Boy now, and behave like a real adult.
I rather like the suggestion that you set up an interview for him, for entry into a creche.
Would he acept entering some marriage counselling ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: fifi | 2011/06/17

He is still a baby he needs to grow, I am married everyday before i sleep i prepared my clothes makes sure they are in good condition. I dont wake up and bother my wife. U ya bosha

Reply to fifi
Posted by: Realist | 2011/06/15

You''ve gotta be kidding ! Surely ? What an arsehole !! Isend him one way for sure ! You must be from some obscure sect or something where men are idolised. Wake up girl, this is 2011. Just tell him, " Watch my lips, eff off" . Come on now, get some backbone !!

Reply to Realist
Posted by: Caro | 2011/06/15

Was this an arranged marriage? (not that those are always bad) Remind him where the suitcases are. Perhaps pack them for him, as a last favour, take his hand and lead him to the pavement. Put his mother''s address in his pocket and write his name on his forehead.

Reply to Caro
Posted by: Jannet | 2011/06/15

Hahahaha Just Saying, you are hilarious. :-) But seriously, Lee, a marriage is supposed to be a PARTNERSHIP and it doesn''t sound like you have a partner. It sounds like you have a dictator. What was he like before marriage? Maybe he''s a chauvinist and thinks it''s your duty to be so subservient?

Reply to Jannet
Posted by: man | 2011/06/15

from a man - real mommys boy

Reply to man
Posted by: just saying! | 2011/06/15

Why dont you just enrol him into creche, that is where he needs to be,
Tools down honey he can wash and iron his own clothes, he is not a baby, if you were a house wife, I can fully understand but you are a working girl, tell your brat to go and do as he please you are his wife not his bladdie servant....Next time tell him you are dissapointed because you thought you married a man and not a retard who can not do anything for him self...

Reply to just saying!
Posted by: CHER | 2011/06/15

tell your hubby to grow up, yeses!

Reply to CHER
Posted by: Jannet | 2011/06/15

To be frank, your husband sounds like a childish lazy prat. Only children need to be reminded to do things. If he''s adult enough to get married, get a job, etc then he''s old enough to remember to do his own crap. He drives his car, can he not see his car is dirty? Girl pleeeeease this man is just trying to make himself feel better about his shortcomings.

Reply to Jannet
Posted by: W | 2011/06/15

Sounds like a typical Mommy''s boy! Remind him to wash his car, common, Tell him to grow up and be a big boy now.

Reply to W
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/06/15

Maybe, at a stretch, he needs you to point out to him where he is failing or bothering you, but to expect you to REMIND him of these ? And then he'll complain of nagging ?
Read Lysistrata, the ancient Greek legend. Stop making his lunch, stop ironing his clothes - "as a reminder of what he needs to do ". Reming him, just once, to buy an alarm clock, if he can't wake on time.
Tell him he can't be disappointed with you "as a wife" as he seems to know nothing of what a husband or wife are or do - but you understand that he's disappointed with you as a mother to his aging child. And gently suggest that YOu are disappointed, as you thought you were marrying an adult man.
If he fails to notice the car is dirty without your remidner, does he need spectacles ?
YOU not doing everything he wants of you, is unsupportive. But HIM not doing anything you want of him, is not ?
Good grief, had you actually MET this guy before geting married ? Or did he successfully hide all this stuff until after the ceremony ?
He's supposed to be a Big Boy now, and behave like a real adult.
I rather like the suggestion that you set up an interview for him, for entry into a creche.
Would he acept entering some marriage counselling ?

Reply to cybershrink

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