Our expert says:
Dead could well be worse than this, and certainly isn't a solution to whatever problems you're facing. There could be many different causes for the unpleasant state you find yourself in, and all possibilities can be treated at least to the point of useful improvement, or even full clearing uip - and there are more treatments and options now than 10 years ago.
Apart from the possibility that meds might be helpful, if you are, as you say and sound, at war with yourself, skilled psychotherapy, especially of the CBT ( COgnitive-Behaviour Therapy ) form, should help significantly.
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