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Question
Posted by: Noxy | 2012/09/20

Im addicted

Hi Doc ,

Please help me im 34 and have been married for 10years , problem is of late i am turned on very easily and recently flirt alot , i was never like this . even during working hours i think about sex , i even had sex with a very close male collegue . both hubby and i are hiv negetive so im extra careful as far as protection is concerned ( collegue also tested neg) .i am so worried cause i think im having enough sex at home but im looking in all the wrong palces for more . Im studying and broke (MBA is expensive and challenging )as a results and i think im under a lot of pressure and i just wanna have sex . is this normal , please assist i cant tell my hubby but cannot go on like this . Your assistance is appreciated.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

Firstly, I read between the lines that you are fully aware of what can happen when you play with fire! This is not the way to go! Your colleague tested negative.... did he say? Did you see? Some will promise you the moon and stars just to get a quickie. No, my dear, this is high risk behaviour and not worth it. Masturbation can be a way, but I wonder to what extend are you and/or your partner neglecting your relationship. Having regular sex is not necessarily enjoying the emotional fulfilment of a good relationship /marriage.When you are also busy with studies, I can assume that time out with your partner is limited and you are then pre-occupied with other things. That results in sex, not lovemaking and now you think if you have risky sex, you can make up for the emptiness you experience. Sorry, 'aint going to work'! Take time out, make picnic in the park, make a romantic dinner.. Use your imagination and bring fun and adventure back to your marriage. WORK on your relationship. Deidre -SASHA

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Our users say:
Posted by: noxy | 2012/09/21

Thank you Deidre,
NB i saw the HIV results we went together , and for the record im a grown up and was not looking for moon or stars or a relationship ... just a quickie and something different. .But thank you all for the imputs at least i know im not sick ...ill work on my marriage and mastubate if need be .
Thanks again

Reply to noxy
Posted by: Noxy | 2012/09/20

@ Lu just what i need -to be judged ....for the record he has cheated on me before , i had all the proof but he denied it up to this day , at least now i have forgiven him iknow what he might have been going through , please dont jugde

Reply to Noxy
Posted by: Lu | 2012/09/20

Or you could just talk to the man you married about this.... I am sure he will be ok with this.
Oh and I hope he catches yu cheating, no man deserved to be cheated on.

Reply to Lu
Posted by: Noxy | 2012/09/20

Thank you guys , much appreciated

Reply to Noxy
Posted by: Ray | 2012/09/20

@Noxy.Trust the above helps.

Reply to Ray
Posted by: ray | 2012/09/20

XXX has got it 100% correct. Also wanted to suggest exploring online chat sites where you could share fantasies safely.All better options than cheating.

Reply to ray
Posted by: ray | 2012/09/20

No, not true. Nothing wrong with having high desire as long as you manage it safely. You should look into stimulating yourself with sex toys, aids, erotic movies and books etc. fantasizing is also healthy.Some great websites to help yo, reading erotic fiction with masturbation techniques - can highly recommend some!

Reply to ray
Posted by: XXX | 2012/09/20

We all go through changes in our libido,I would suggest trying new things with your husband ie positions,toys,doing it in different places.
Masturbation is also a possibility,however,finding other men will only lead to heartache and possibly infections.

Reply to XXX
Posted by: Noxy | 2012/09/20

I dont pleasure myself Ray but it something worth looking into , its also much safer ,though im not sure whether it will give me that warmth of being in someones arms , you see im hungry for something not sure what it is but im bothered cause i am slowly becoming a slu**

Reply to Noxy
Posted by: Ray | 2012/09/20

Lol...don''t be so hard on yourself.women become increasingly in touch and comfortable with their own sexuality as they approach 40, so natural that your desires would increase.Important that you relase the pent up sexual drive regularly hence my question as whether you self - pleasure?

Reply to Ray
Posted by: Noxy | 2012/09/20

Thank you Ray , i have no idea whats gotten into me lately , ive gone mad

Reply to Noxy
Posted by: ray | 2012/09/20

wow, a real dilemma for you Noxy. regular masturbation may help - are you doing that. Rather masturbate to work off the excess desire than indulge in risk behavior. Hope this helps.

Reply to ray
Posted by: sexologist | 2012/09/20

Firstly, I read between the lines that you are fully aware of what can happen when you play with fire! This is not the way to go! Your colleague tested negative.... did he say? Did you see? Some will promise you the moon and stars just to get a quickie. No, my dear, this is high risk behaviour and not worth it. Masturbation can be a way, but I wonder to what extend are you and/or your partner neglecting your relationship. Having regular sex is not necessarily enjoying the emotional fulfilment of a good relationship /marriage.When you are also busy with studies, I can assume that time out with your partner is limited and you are then pre-occupied with other things. That results in sex, not lovemaking and now you think if you have risky sex, you can make up for the emptiness you experience. Sorry, 'aint going to work'! Take time out, make picnic in the park, make a romantic dinner.. Use your imagination and bring fun and adventure back to your marriage. WORK on your relationship. Deidre -SASHA

Reply to sexologist

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