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Question
Posted by: dw | 2012/10/08

Im a mess :(

So this last weekend and coming week I am staying at my brothers place. I had to get away from my bf because we are constantly fighting and he verbally abuses me. Last Tuesday he hurt me while being intimate.
I have taken some of the points he has raised that is wrong with me and working on improving myself, for example my negativity. The sad thing is that we have had some good times, and those times I have really been happy. But I know that just around the corner is another fight pending. Although he knows I am working on my negativity as soon as something comes up where I am down, he will throw my downfall in my face again.
Last night he mentions that he is going away the 1st week of November. My birthday falls over that period, so I asked him if he is not going to be around for my birthday. I think he was embarrast that he forgot and then threw it in my face that I am selfish and only think about myself and that I am making plans without him i.e. this week at my brothers house and my friend has invited me to stay with her in CT, so he is basically going to do his own thing too. I am only planning on doing all these things without him because I am constantly wallking on egg shells with him and need to get away from the fighting and verbal abuse. I think I am reaching a nervous breakdown....I cant function at work and not interested in things I used to be interested in. What do I do. The only thing that keeps me going back is the thought of the good times we have had and hoping things will change.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Its not negative to reject abuse. And what makes him so perfect or objective in identifying things he p[ersuades you that you need to change ? What about him changing ? Or doesn't such a project interest him ?
The occasional good times are HISTORY ( and in mart, his story, too ) - they are NEVER a good idea to go backwards and put up with continuing abuse.
Abusers victims always delude themselves that things will change, and they don't. See a counsellor, maybe a group lime POWA too, and free youyrself from this dependency on a weak and abusive man. You deserve far more than he can ever provide, and would be far happier on your own, let alone with a real man who can treat you with the respect you ought to expect.
Give yourself freedom for your birthday !

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Our users say:
Posted by: SK | 2012/10/08

Love yourself more than you love him. Take the time to heal and work on yourself. Permanently move from a toxic environment and just be able to be yourself. Try and limit the people that bring you negative energy. There is really no point in dressing the wound when it has not be cleaned. Concentrate on your family that seem to be bringing the best in you.

When you are healed you will be able to go into a good relationship that will nurture you and make you feel good. Right now I suggest you take a break from this guy.

On another note a good idea would be to celebrate your birthday with making a committment to yourself to treat yourself with kindness and love. Only you are needed for the committment ceremony and then do only the things YOU like and take it from there.

Happy birthday in advance

Reply to SK
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/10/08

Its not negative to reject abuse. And what makes him so perfect or objective in identifying things he p[ersuades you that you need to change ? What about him changing ? Or doesn't such a project interest him ?
The occasional good times are HISTORY ( and in mart, his story, too ) - they are NEVER a good idea to go backwards and put up with continuing abuse.
Abusers victims always delude themselves that things will change, and they don't. See a counsellor, maybe a group lime POWA too, and free youyrself from this dependency on a weak and abusive man. You deserve far more than he can ever provide, and would be far happier on your own, let alone with a real man who can treat you with the respect you ought to expect.
Give yourself freedom for your birthday !

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/10/08

Its not negative to reject abuse. And what makes him so perfect or objective in identifying things he p[ersuades you that you need to change ? What about him changing ? Or doesn't such a project interest him ?
The occasional good times are HISTORY ( and in mart, his story, too ) - they are NEVER a good idea to go backwards and put up with continuing abuse.
Abusers victims always delude themselves that things will change, and they don't. See a counsellor, maybe a group lime POWA too, and free youyrself from this dependency on a weak and abusive man. You deserve far more than he can ever provide, and would be far happier on your own, let alone with a real man who can treat you with the respect you ought to expect.
Give yourself freedom for your birthday !

Reply to cybershrink

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