Our expert says:
So sorry to hear of this difficult situation. Sadly, some people seem to become almost trained in the skills of Denial within their family, and can't think of a better way to deal with a threatening situation than by ignoring it and hoping it will go away.
He probably sincerely intends to do "anything" necessary, but has no real idea what that might be, even when its totally obvious to anyone else.
That he so elaborately avoids facing the facts suggests that he is personally very deeply threatened by the situation.
Clearly you deserve, and need, both of you, the advice and support of a professional counsellor, but I don't know about your specific situation, and whether it is actally likely that ansy such consultation could have adverse effects for you - certainly any doctor or counsellor or psychologist who breached the professional duty of confidentiality to allow any outside person or organization or company to know about such consultations would be guilty of highly unprofessional conduct. And in a situation like this, NOT being anxious is the pathological response !
Meanwhile, you will need to discuss this situation with him, starting very gently and indirectly, so as not to encourage him to dash away, physically or psychologically.
Maybe even your nurse friend could help mediate such a discussion. He needs to recognize that he is unusually scared of facing realistically this worrying situation, depriving both you and yopur daughter of support you both need and deserve, and it isn't much good for him, either. Emphasize that you also recognize that this is a very worrying time for him, and that his technique of trying to pretend it isn't happening cant be all that effective, and could leave him with unpleasant feelings of guilt.
Instead of accepting an end point of him vowing to make a large change, aim for agreeing, together, to a list of smaller steps, and revisions to how he has been behaving, which will be improvements he can then build on.
Going to a doctor will "make you look weak" - to who ? TO you ? Is that really inevitable ? A psychologist / counsellor can't put you on meds, and a psychiatrist might or might not, especially as they will not want you to be less able to be fully effective. Illness is rarely fair, and at any rate, its no use looking for let alone demanding fairness !
DO keep us posted, and I am certain you have the good wishes not only of myself but of all readers of this forum
The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal
advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.