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Question
Posted by: Nunu | 2009-03-17

If i only knew

Doc, am really sorry coz you always receive messages similar to this, but i really am worried.

I once met a guy in school whom it took time for me to get close to him, so because of friends and family sisters at school we used to be together as he was their friends. i got used to him and one day we fell in love,so he also left earlier then i remained at tertiary, by the time he was away from school we lsot contact because i had to change my cell numbers, so when i was home oneday finished and graduated from tertiary he called me he said he got my number from one of my sisters, so we continued to see each other, we even arranged to meet on weekends, although my parents were to strict, then one day he proposed then i said yes to him, but because he wanted to further his studies he had to travel to japan to study and furinsh his career, we had contact by then he used to call everyday just to tell me how much he miss me, our love was so special in such a way that i used to cry when i think of him being so faraway, when he came back he had to continue with wedding plans and lobola but everything came to a halt with no reason, i phoned to ask what the problem was he told that his car had a problem so he cant'  continue coming to see, i reall was so hurt and felt as if the drak cloud was upon me,

Any way i waited and waited but in vain, then oneday another guy met me at my friends wedding we dated then after that we engaged and got married , i was so confused not knowing what to do, infact i married this guy out of hurt, maybe he can heal my heart, but then my first guy called and said why was in hurry to get someone because he was still coming but i told he was not sure if he wanted to marry me why did he leave me in vain, i was so worried becuase i still love him even today, i do meet him in town although he is married also , i can' t have peace in my life seeing him, i think i have to talk to him, i feel like i owe him an apology because he once called my mom that he was hurt by me getting married tothis other guy, af which now i ahve problems wait the one i' m married too, we always fight there is no peace and i always think of my first time man.

Doc is it good to confront him and tell him how sorry i am that i left him to another man, or i will be making myself a stupid, but i do really mis him alot, you know how it is to love someone, i sometimes cry when i think of him, please help me what to do no?

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Our expert says:
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Apart from your own situation, let's also think, collectively, about WHY I receive so many messages like this --- WHY is this such a common problem ? WHy don't more women see this sort of situation coming, and avoid it ? What more could be done to prevent this ?
Its hard to see what you did wrong --- you didn't rush into this, and, in the story you tell, all the signs suggested things could work out well. Maybe one lesson is not to leave relationships dangling in a vague way --- when he started making excuses, he should have either admitted he was not going to put the effort in to re-build the relationship, or made a real effort to do so.
One lesson, for sure, is do NOT get married out of hurt --- you're describing exactly the sort of rebound mariage we always recommend against. let hurt feelings heal before embarking on another serious relationship. But the first guy still sounds so unsure as not to be worth worying about. And now he is married to ? He would not do that if he was serious about marriage to you. What would be the point of telling him you're sorry for what he did in neglecting his relationship with you ?
Someone who walks along, only looking backwards, will fall over things. Look forward, develop the marriage you have, rather than allowing yourself to dream about something that might have been, probably would not have been, and now will not be

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

3
Our users say:
Posted by: Rubber band | 2009-03-18

Bong ! On the rebound. Total disaster, sorry to say. But now that you have committed to another you have to make the best of it....and don' t tell your unfortunate hubby of you dilemma. I wish people would look seriously at the consequences of their actions. What were you thinking all the time leading up to the wedding ? Surely you must have had your doubts. Why did you not just call it off ? Oh well, too late now. Forget the past and get on with your life.

Reply to Rubber band
Posted by: dd | 2009-03-17

The best thing is to cut ties with him completley... he is just using you

Reply to dd
Posted by: D | 2009-03-17

You did the right thing by moving on girl.
you could waited for this guy, he was cleary not that into you.

he is only making excuses for breaking your heart.

Leave this guy alone, and concentract on your marraige.

Reply to D

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