Our expert says:
Apart from your own situation, let's also think, collectively, about WHY I receive so many messages like this --- WHY is this such a common problem ? WHy don't more women see this sort of situation coming, and avoid it ? What more could be done to prevent this ?
Its hard to see what you did wrong --- you didn't rush into this, and, in the story you tell, all the signs suggested things could work out well. Maybe one lesson is not to leave relationships dangling in a vague way --- when he started making excuses, he should have either admitted he was not going to put the effort in to re-build the relationship, or made a real effort to do so.
One lesson, for sure, is do NOT get married out of hurt --- you're describing exactly the sort of rebound mariage we always recommend against. let hurt feelings heal before embarking on another serious relationship. But the first guy still sounds so unsure as not to be worth worying about. And now he is married to ? He would not do that if he was serious about marriage to you. What would be the point of telling him you're sorry for what he did in neglecting his relationship with you ?
Someone who walks along, only looking backwards, will fall over things. Look forward, develop the marriage you have, rather than allowing yourself to dream about something that might have been, probably would not have been, and now will not be
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