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Question
Posted by: Pex | 2012-08-02

Iam i crazy?

i have been inlove with this man for almost a year now, but i have heard the rumours that he is sleeping with men, i have been so suspicious before even i heard the rumours but as i dont want to loose him i ignore the situation. We in a long distance relationship but whenever we meet we never talk that much, we never be intimate, just once in a day but still dont mind as i over look the situation and i still want to be with him, he is my life i cant loose him. the problem is what if he is really a bisexual? what will happen to me? my heart? oh i dont want to even think about it. so now i want to ask him to give me a baby, he is not ready as we have discussed this before but how can i convince him that we really need to have this baby so that when he wants to go and i stil have his connection? am i crazy?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Not crazy, but very foolish. ( and remember, if he has been sleeping around, whether with men or women, the risk to you of sexual diseases including HIV, is much increased ). Its not that he might be bisexual but that he is promiscuous that greatly increases the danger.
It would be extremely stupid and cruel to the child to ask him or arrange for him to "give you a baby". A BABY IS NOT GLUE ! NEVER EVER use a child to try to stick together any relationship with problems. This is hugely unfair to the child, and it never works.
You do NOT "really need to have this baby", and this poor baby does not need to be had.
IF you have good reason to seriously want to improve what sounds like a pretty limited relationship, see a couples counsellor together and ask him directly about the rumours you hear.
Do a lot more talking, and a lot less baby-making. If you can[t frankly and honestly talk together, that is not mutual love nor a relationship that could succeed.
Why are you so desperate to cling to your fantasy about this relationship ? Is there really no other man you could get to actually Know ? He is NOT "your life" ; you fantasize that he is, but that doesn't make it so.

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012-08-03

Not crazy, but very foolish. ( and remember, if he has been sleeping around, whether with men or women, the risk to you of sexual diseases including HIV, is much increased ). Its not that he might be bisexual but that he is promiscuous that greatly increases the danger.
It would be extremely stupid and cruel to the child to ask him or arrange for him to "give you a baby". A BABY IS NOT GLUE ! NEVER EVER use a child to try to stick together any relationship with problems. This is hugely unfair to the child, and it never works.
You do NOT "really need to have this baby", and this poor baby does not need to be had.
IF you have good reason to seriously want to improve what sounds like a pretty limited relationship, see a couples counsellor together and ask him directly about the rumours you hear.
Do a lot more talking, and a lot less baby-making. If you can[t frankly and honestly talk together, that is not mutual love nor a relationship that could succeed.
Why are you so desperate to cling to your fantasy about this relationship ? Is there really no other man you could get to actually Know ? He is NOT "your life" ; you fantasize that he is, but that doesn't make it so.

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: Meghann | 2012-08-02

Yeah I seriously think you have lost it - why on earth would you want to be in a relationship with a man who sleeps with other men? Furthermore, long distance relationships rarely work. Why would you want to have a child with a bisexual man who lives far away and who will in all probability never commit to you let alone a child!? You say he is your life - he is not your life, you have made him the focus of your life because you so desperately want a relationship and a child. The worst thing you could do is fall pregnant and bring a child into the world under these circumstances. You are clearly smitten with this man and not thinking straight! Have you for one minute thought about how many other " relationships"  he could be in and the health risk to you if and when you do have sex with him? How can you possibly want to use a child to have a connection with this man? Have you thought about what you will say to this child one day when it asks who and where its father is? You are being extremely selfish, thinking of your own desires and nothing else! You say you have heard rumours that he sleeps with other men - there must surely be some truth behind it! You do need to rethink what you are contemplating. There are many heterosexual men out there, why take a chance with this man who obviously enjoys sleeping with other men - do you seriously think you and a child will change his ways? I think not - in fact it will probably make him run like hell! I know I sound unsympathetic, but you are acting crazy and you need to realise that you will make a huge mistake by falling pregnant! As Maria so rightly says children do not cement a relationship. You are going to end up heartbroken, get this man out of your system and look for someone you can build a solid, happy, healthy relationship with! Besides the emotional pain you will suffer, you will be taking a risk with your health by having sex with this man. I hope you make the right decision and get this man out of your life. Is he not ready to have children or is he not ready to change his lifestyle and commit to a woman instead of sleeping with men? You are heading for heartache and only you will be able to prevent that from happening.

Reply to Meghann
Posted by: Maria | 2012-08-02

The fact that he is bisexual is not really the problem - bisexual people can commit to one partner. The rumour that he is sleeping around is much more serious - do you really want to have unprotected sex with someone who may have other sexual partners? Have you been tested for HIV and other STD''s?

Reply to Maria
Posted by: Lady bug | 2012-08-02

Hi there Pex,

Uuuummm, ja, sorry to break it to you, but you are a little but crazy:

1) you are in a long distance relationship. How is that going to work if you have a baby? Will you bring the baby up by yourself?
2) there are rumours that he is sleeping with men. Where there is smoke, there is fire. If you have this baby and then find out for sure that he is bi-sexual... what then? Is the baby going to take the hurt away? I don''t think so. Things will just be more complicated.
3) he told you that he is not ready for a baby. Respect this.
4) you never talk much when you see each other. I think that you should rather try and work on your communication skills before having a baby.

Having the responsibility of a baby, is not a walk in the park. And to have a baby for the reason so that you can ensure that you will always have contact with him, is the wrong reason for bringing another human being into this world.



Reply to Lady bug
Posted by: Maria | 2012-08-02

Yes, sorry but you''re insane. You don''t really know the guy! Long distance relationship, don''t talk much... PLEASE DON''T BRING AN INNOCENT CHILD INTO THIS SITUATION! Children do not cement a relationship together, they cause stress which only a strong relationship survive! If you get pregnant you will end up like the many, many women who post here about absent and uninvolved fathers who are now exes.

Reply to Maria

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